(awkward and awesome)

(awkward and awesome)
First Wive's Club...one of Ma's favorites

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Merry Christmas! 10 Things I Love About Christmas and 1 Little Known Fact about Jen

Little known fact: White baby Jesus doesn't make sense to me. He was born in the Middle East, not Europe. Just sayin'.

1)Colored Christmas lights that blink and twinkle! I know they used to make them. It it my mission to find them once more.

2) Since Florida is the Sunshine State, it's cold but not I-think-my-pancreas-froze cold. Nice.

3) People around here know how to cook, and Christmas is when they show off...oooooohhh yeah!

4) The kids bring home the cutest things made from hand and footprints. Ms. Banfell, Mrs. Gill and Ms. Hayen/Mrs. Stokes brings their A game.

5) The girls remember that Santa is watching...for at least 2 minutes. Then they beat each other up.

6) As a gift giver, I really do love being able to give rather than to receive. The joy of a gift well received is truly heart warming.

7) My family sends sick and twisted Christmas cards. I love my family.

8) The annual Christmas ornament exchange party...there are no words for that brand of awesome sauce. Inside joke alert: It's time to strut!

9)My Barbie ornaments! Wahoo! I'm a Barbie girl even though I'm not sure if I really believe Skipper and Kelly are her "sisters"...she and Ken have been together a long time...just sayin'.

10) This is when we sing my favorite of all worship songs: Christmas Carols. O Holy Night gets me every time. "Fall on your knees, oh hear the angels voices. Oh night divine! oh night when Christ was born." Chills baby.

May this next year of 2012 be the year and of thinking before we speak or act and shower each other with unabashed kindness and mercy.

Merry Christmas and a most joyous and blessed New Year to all of you!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Don't Start None, Won't Be None

I understand that different people have different views on parenting. I learned very early on the Mommy Wars can be rather brutal and bloody. I have even learned that you can benefit from experiencing parenting styles that are not your own. My pastor always says "Check the fruit." In other words, check the results. Well-behaved, happy kids are good fruit no matter how you grow them. I try not to judge, and then, someone has to go and judge me. That's when I tend to get...uppity.

I read this link (http://demandeuphoria.blogspot.com/2011/12/you-call-that-gift.html) off of my friend Kim's FB. She was appalled and had to share her disbelief. Now, Kim is a great mom with a great personality and a fabu sense of humor. She is also taller than me which makes her instantly awesome. Her kids, though not always angels, are delightful. She and her hubster are doing something right. She was upset by this blogger. After reading several of her blogs, I was also upset and honestly felt attacked. It's understandable due to the blogger's belittling chides and accusatory tone. Here was the kicker for me: I don't really see her as parenting. She doesn't parent so much as co-exists with her children. According to her blog, I shouldn't call a gift a gift if it isn't. She shouldn't call herself a parent because she's not parenting. She should call herself something else because:

-You are not a parent if you don't hold your children to any sort of standard and expect them to live up to it to the best of their abilities.
-You are not a parent if you don't give consequences for poor behavior to include the taking away of personal items that are being abused and misused.
-You are not a parent if you don't discipline your children appropriately and especially if you do not discipline them at all because it makes you feel bad or guilty because the child is so sad.
-You are not a parent if you put you child's decisions before what is best for them, i.e. wearing proper clothing, shoes, etc.
-You are not a parent if you put your child on equal footing with yourself because they will never learn to respect you or authority at all.
-You are not a parent if you honestly think your 3 year old is going to make the right decision for himself because he is simply too young to do so.
-You are not a parent if you let short term happiness on your child's part keep him from long term goals of being a healthy adult able to have healthy relationships.

I know what to call parents who aren't really parents. They are minions of tiny overlords. The minions must feed, bathe, play with, bow to and clean up after them at the overlord's good pleasure. We mustn't upset the overlord...heavens no! His little spirit could be crushed! Meanwhile, he's the most miserable little child that no other mother wants playing with their kid because he's a little tyrant. That fruit is so rotten flies won't touch it.

The saddest part about kids like that is it really is their parents' fault. If they are given guidelines and boundaries, they will rise to the meet the goal. I've worked with kids for years. The hardest kids to deal with are the ones with minions who give their power to their overlords. The happiest and sweetest kids are the ones with parents.

Read the blog for yourself. Come to your own conclusion. This is mine. I feel sorry for that woman's kids, but I'm glad I don't have to deal with them. I choose to be a parent, not a minion. I choose to show my children just how beautiful, special, talented and loved they are by giving them guidelines and tools they will need to live life in the real world. If that means Barbie gets taken away because you popped your sister in the eye with her, that's what it means...even if she was your birthday gift.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Be Vigilant My Friends Who Wish for Successful Marriage...

Some thing happened last night. We've discussed it, and now, I wish to share it with you. Why? Because it is the Little Foxes of life that can make or break any relationship. Marriage seems to be the main target because once you get nice and comfy, you forget to look and listen for these little raiders.

And that's just it. They are little. Catch this.

In our pre-martial counseling class, Bear and I were told that little foxes are the things that steal our joy and love for one another and the be careful because they will shank you in the shower. That sounds bad. So we are careful when it comes to things like money, big life decisions and we don't sleep with other people....that last one saves A LOT of pain and heartache. Guess what? Those aren't little foxes...those are grizzly bears. You can see that coming because they're 7 feet tall with 3 inch claws and they growl. You can tell just how dangerous it is. You know that grizzly is gonna kill you if you don't respect it and handle it accordingly. Duh.

Little foxes look more like Little Debbie snack cakes. True story. Last night, I pull them out of the freezer to thaw because I like them NOT frozen and the kids need them for snack on Friday. About 2 hours later, Bear sees the box out and puts it back into the freezer because he likes them NOT thawed. About an hour later, I say, "Where are the Little Debbies?" Thinking the kids stole them, and now I have to kill the children. Bear says, "In the freezer. The kids took them out." (Notice how "the kids" are doing a lot of things without actually doing them...they are ninjas.) Little Fox time. I'm mad because if I want a Little Debbie with my currently hot coffee, I will have to wait for it to thaw thus making my coffee cold or I have to eat it frozen which I do not like. He's mad because I'm mad and why can't he like frozen Little Debbies? Can you say animated discussion and hurt feelings over something really dumb? Marriage is full of these moments...believe it. If you've ever wanted to cold-cock your spouse because my-word-you've-lived-in-this-house-for-3-years-and-you-still-don't-put-bowls-in-the-right-cabinet?! or if you've considered thrashing them because if-they-leave-their-shoes-were-i-trip-over-them-one-more-time...you know what I'm talking about.

Now, all of this could've been avoided if Bear had simply asked who took out the Little Debbies or if I had told him what I had done when I did it. We didn't, and that little fox came a-creepin'. Instead, we both felt like our wants weren't important to the other person. These types of feelings are the little foxes the destroy marriages and friendships. These are little moments that snatch and pull away all the good fruit and leave nothing behind. These are the things you need to be looking behind you in the shower for.

We not only look in the distance for signs of Grizzly Bears, but we also look along our fence line for signs of foxes. Sometimes it's easy and sometimes, it's not. We worked it out, though. Bear will try harder not to assume things, and I will try harder at letting him know why I've done what I've done. Like all things precious, your marriage will need defending and protecting. Watch out for the little foxes. They'll come a-creepin'.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Quit Your Bellyachin' Already

One of the interesting things about growing up is getting to know yourself...if you're paying attention at least. I've noticed I'm not one for continued complaint. After awhile, I just really don't care about your problem if you're not going to do anything about it yourself. Maybe that's not very nice. Yeah, still don't care.

I've also noticed I'm not one for unnecessary complaints. Those mostly come from my 9 year old. It could be about anything that slightly makes her feel like she doesn't want to do, eat or see that or it changes her mode of being in anyway or maybe the sky just isn't blue enough. I don't know. I do know that it's about to make me lose my mind. I am open for suggestions on how to deal with this issue because I've used up all my reserves. It's like, really? It's spaghetti....but the noodles aren't long enough....really?

I know she's just a kid, but when is enough enough? I'm always telling her that there are kids in the world who only get like one piece of fruit to eat a day if they are lucky and she's all "they still wouldn't like this." I'm about to snatch you bald. Thoughts and suggestions appreciated.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I'm Sorry...What?

Look. I know that with things like Facebook and texting that whole talk to someone in person thing gets so 1980's, but there are some benefits to it. Things like voice inflection and tone are 93% of communication as well as facial indicators and body language. Actual words only count for 7%. Amazing. So is it any wonder that rumors spread faster then wildfire? Not really. Does it make it suck any less...not at all. It's especially numbing when you are left thinking if these people you've known as long as you can remember have even met you. Madness.

So as to dampen the spirit of slap before it arises, let me put to bed a few rumors that have started for reasons unknown.

1) I want a puppy, not a baby. Two very different things puppies and babies. True story.
2) I'm at my limit at three kids. I don't want anymore. I kinda feel like a jerk saying that, but it's true. I really don't want to have any more babies. I wouldn't mind adopting a potty trained child, and to avoid yet another rumor, we are not currently about to adopt any children. Just saying I wouldn't mind.
3) Bear is fine with three girls. He is not pushing me to have anymore children so that he can have another shot at a son. He is happy with what he has. Plus, after 12 years of marriage, he realizes that pushing me one way only results in me pushing back with the force of an enraged rhino. He's smart like that.
4) I am not nice. Just because I don't normally cause a scene or cut people for no reason doesn't mean I will not call you on your crap, tell you when you are full of it or to please shut up before I rip your lungs out of you nose and make you eat them for dinner. I will, but only if the situation calls for it. I'm adult like that.

I end with this. Do understand that I am not just typing this behind the mask of the blog. I would say this to your face if need be. If I did want another baby, what do you care? You don't pay my bills, and I ask you for nothing. We don't even qualify for WIC, so you don't even support me with taxes, sooooooo zip it Skippy. How big my family is concerns you not. As for Bear, if you think for one second that he is pushy or controlling, you don't know him. He is considerate and kind and HE is the nice one, not me. He did point out (it had merit too) that saying that we need to have a boy in the house implies that there is something wrong with just having girls. That's insulting. People pray for what we have, and we are thankful. Again, zip it. And if you haven't noticed, I'm done being civil. If you have a question or concern about me or my family, bring it to me. I'll help set you straight if needs be or possibly even confirm your worst fear. I'll be honest with you though, and then you can at least be spreading news and not rumors. Yeah! (See? You couldn't hear the sarcasm in that Yeah could you? No...rumor)

Sunday, November 20, 2011

It's Late...Again...I've Been Thinking...Again...

Many of my Facebookians are participating in the Give Thanks For Something Each Day thing. Very cool. I like it. I think that Non-thankfulness is one of our biggest sins as a whole. Are we truly thankful for what we have been given. Right. Now. Are you thankful?

I remember all too well the day I was at TR Jackson Pre-K. Ella had been there for a few months, and she was improving daily. At the time, her big new thing was to yell, "But I love you!" after she had been naughty and was being corrected. It was the only time she said it. I was relating this story to Ella's teacher and the school nurse, who was at Ella's class for some reason. I noticed the nurse was getting teary. She said her son was completely non-verbal, and his prognosis was that he would never talk and would more than likely never say, "I love you." She just looked at me with such longing. It was heartbreaking.

I was truly ashamed at that moment. I was NOT thankful for what I had. Ella just needed some help. She would improve to the point of not shutting up when she really, really should. I couldn't see that then. God used that nurse to remind me that He brings me good things albeit challenging sometimes. I need to be thankful for what I have right now this very moment. Not what God might bring tomorrow because He hasn't promised me tomorrow.

These are things I'm thankful for right now even some of these things are challenges to be met.

1) I am thankful for my Amazonian girls. Yes, they are crazy tall, and yes, it's hard for them. Yes, it's hard for me because I don't want them to go through the crap I had to go through for being the tallest girl in the class. However, my girls are so healthy, they won't stop growing, and I thank you, Jesus, for their continued good health.

2) I am thankful for a husband who is faithful and is a hard worker. He's not the most Rico Suave guy in the world. He can be awkward, shy and geeky. He's also taller than me when I'm wearing six inch heels...okay, I don't wear six inch heels but if i did... He gets me. He's cool with my weird. He might not be the world's pick of Prince Charming, but the world is so into fake that genuine is ignored. I'll take my genuine bottle of awesome sauce, and the world can keep it's prince charmings.

3) I am thankful for my family. We're messed up. We'll give you the clothes off our backs. If we like you, sorry about your luck, but you can't even get paroled out of the family. We are loyal until the end, unless you jerk us around and then we make your life miserable. No, we're not perfect, but I wouldn't be the kind of person who stands up for others when no one else does if I had not seen it so often done and celebrated in my own family. We're messed up, but you so want us on your side.

4) I'm thankful for all of my crazy friends. None a sane one in the pack, and thank you, God, for that. They're normal, mind you, but they can get super crazy and I love it! I love it! I love it! I love people that don't have to be like everyone else, but they aren't jerks or weird to be original. They are just unapologetic about being the people God made them to be. I respect that. I like that. Be you. Do you. Let God tell you who you are and no one else. So cool.

5) I am thankful that despite my mismanagement of my body, God has given me relatively good health. By doing so, He's given me the opportunity to correct my bad behavior and become a better steward of my body. He has things for me to do, but if I'm not fit enough to do them, I'm pretty sure that's going to come up on Judgement Day. Just sayin'.

6) I am thankful for the house I live in, the van I drive, the food in the pantry and the cross-stitch in the tin. I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure, that His joy is going to be my strength! Which leads us to...that's right...

7) I am thankful for my annoyingly optimistic Pollyanna world view. If I ruin your pity party with "The Bright Side" of the situation: I don't care. I just don't. Quit your belly achin'. Get up. Try again or try something else. If you need to unload, I have no problem with that. It's all the picking it back up and saying, "Look at that! Can you believe that?" That will make me all, "Yeah, that sucks. What are you going to do about it? How are you going to un-suckify that?" If you want a place to wallow, we don't do that here. You're going to leave unhappy.

My stuff might not be what your dreams are made of, but I'm glad God brought them my way. I'm thankful for every last little bitty thing I've got right this very minute because I'm not promised tomorrow. Neither are you.

Are you thankful?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Things Currently Out of My Control

1) I have jury duty tomorrow.
2) Ella won't stop talking. She just won't. Not even when her life is on the line because she has once again crossed the line. It's madness.
3) The kids want me to make them dinner EVERY night. Admittedly, this is my fault as I've endulged them for the past 9 years, but still.
4) Eric backs up the kids about dinner.
5) I want a puppy. I would just like to nurture a little thing that isn't human... probably because they don't talk back.
6) I need new bras. I just do...stupid mammary glands!
7) I could use a hair cut but what I really need is to dye my hair due to the hostile take over of gray hair. Rude.
8) My computer randomly jumps around and deletes things....I could kick a squirrel over that one.
9) I can't remember by Playlist.com password so I can change my playlist on this blog. I ask for them to send it to me, but the password change email never comes through. Jen say ggrrrrr.
10) There is no more sweet tea in my cup.

The above may drive some to drink...it drives me to Pinterest. There I can look at the lovely things God made and remember that He is in control. Now join with me in prayer that I will not hurt any children....and that they would shut up...for just 5 minutes together...just asking for 5 minutes so I can pee alone or some ridiculous thing like that...make your own dang dinner, dang it! Man!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Steam Punk is My Sub-Culture

I'm not gonna lie, the is my absolute favorite Disney Princess image because every single one of them look as if they will cut you; they don't need saving. Nothing wrong with Prince Charming, but I want my girls to believe that they can rescue themselves as long as they relay on the Almighty. (He's the original Prince Charming after all.)

Ever since watching the Wild Wild West tv show with my dad, I have loved steam punk. Of course, it wasn't steam punk then; it was just Western Science Fiction. I love what people are doing with it nowadays. I am so impressed with the creativity of it all. I like taking things and remaking them into something else. It's challenging, and if I'm really honest with myself, art I can actually achieve. It's rustic and vintage as well as modern and futuristic. It's oxy moronic. It's dramatic and kick butt. It's just plain cool. Plus, it does remind me of one of the many things my dad and I have in common. In this case, we like cool guns, cool gadgets and girls in cool outfits. I like the outfits and the boots. Dad probably likes the girls...ew. I think I just grossed me out. Why yes. Yes, I did.

It's not a look for Wal-Mart shopping, granted, but it is a lot of fun. What's even better, is Bear likes it too. I think we'll steam punk the Man Cave. It's gonna be awesome! I'll show the pics when we're done...well, as long as I can get Bear on board I will.

So Steam Punk is my sub-culture...what's yours?

Saturday, November 5, 2011

A Little Insight Into the Female Mind: The Toilet Seat

Bear has gone to bed because he's tired. I had coffee because I'm not so bright, so I go to bed later. I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. Before the pj pants drop I see it: the toilet seat is up.

Oh no. He. didn't.

Yup he sure did. He was really tired, and to be honest, it doesn't happen that often. When it does, I get miffy. Most women do. If you're reading this and you're a guy, let me break it down for you because there is a lot behind the miff of a toilet seat left standing.

You might think what's the big deal? Just put it down. Of course we will. It's the protective force field that blocks toilet nastiness from our personals. It's violating when a woman sits on a toilet bowl rim, especially if it's done in the cover of darkness without warning. It's as if our bodies have been invaded by unholy germs and vile bits of human waste. It's horrible! Truly disgusting and I shudder even now just thinking about it.

As a guy, you have certain jobs: kill the bugs, get up and check the scary night noise and put down the toilet seat. Notice all of these things are modes of protection. You want to be a woman's knight in shining armor? You want your woman to brag about you? Kill the vile Roach Demons, investigate the creaks and groans of the castle and defend your princess from the icy terror of toilet (I can't even think of a word hear just the shudder and sound you tend to make when you see really gross road kill on the highway). It's little things like the above that make a girl feel special, thought of, considered and pretty. Why pretty? Because if middle school taught us anything, it's that boys do thoughtful things for pretty girls.

So the crux of the miffy comes down to when you leave the seat up, we feel rather unconsidered. We like to think you think of us as often as we think of you, but we actually know you don't. However, you can trick us into thinking you do by putting down a toilet seat. It really does show you care about us enough to do a little something extra just for us. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe you'd get it if you ever fell into a toilet while you're half asleep in the middle of the night. Practice lowering the force field boys. I'm willing to bet you'd be amazed at the difference little things like that will make.

Friday, October 28, 2011


I just wanted to see if that worked...it did.

I'm feeling rather computer savvy right about now.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

All Things Being Equal...Life Ain't Fair

My dad used to always say, "Well Kid, life ain't fair. Kinda sucks, huh?"

Yup. It sure does.

In a perfect world everyone would have enough food and clothing and a place to sleep at night. Kids wouldn't be abused by or afraid of adults; they would be protected and cherished. Bad things would only happen to bad people and good things would only happen to good people. Everyone would have a fair shot. Spouses wouldn't cheat. Friends wouldn't betray. Parents wouldn't lose children and vice versa. Everything would stack up perfectly, and my dinners would never be so bad the dog won't eat it. (hush you!)

Life ain't fair though. Sucks. To be honest, life is treating me rather well right now, but my heart is heavy today for those who aren't so fortunate. I'm praying for you. I know God has got this. I'm here if you need me. Here's a bit of hope to hold onto for today:

"There is nothing-no circumstance, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all it has gone past God and past Christ, right through me. If it has come that far, it has come with great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, not trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret-for I shall rest in the joy of the what my Lord is! That is the rest of victory!" Alan Redpath Victorious Christian Living

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Part Two of So I was Reading My Bible...

So the second thing that popped out at me while reading James 1:19-21 in the Message is the following:

"In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden with your life."

I don't know how much you like to garden, but I don't. I love a beautiful garden, but I so have no passion in seeing one come to fruition. It's hot, dirty, with bugs and spiders and whatnot. No thanks. That's why I like my sis to visit....she likes that stuff...bonus!

The awesome sauce here is God is the Gardener of our soul and will make us so beautiful that people will stop and stare. If we let Him, of course.

Like I said, gardening is dirty. There are weeds that need to be pulled, invasive vines that keep coming back. Thorns. Bugs. Spiders. Heat. Poison Ivy. All kinds of mess. We like to think we keep a nice yard of our soul, but the neighbors are talking. We suck at that kind of yard work. We lack the skill, the will and the power to make the kind of garden God wants to make of us.

By letting Him do all the dirty work, you will be surprised at the fruit you bear. Amazing and exotic flowers will bloom in your heart giving you the ability to make the lives of others more fragrant. Let Him pull those things out of you that are strangling your spirit and making you weak. It might be tough, but He's much tougher. It might hurt, but when you see the results, it will make it all so worth it.

He's willing to make your soul the envy of everyone...if you just let Him do the work.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

So I'm All Reading the Bible...

When I get to this verse in James, chapter one, The Message version:

"19-21Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life."

Two things jumped out and made go "That's right!" I'll talk about the second one tomorrow.

1) "God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger."
How applicable is this in so much? Anger is a natural reaction, but some of my Christian brothers and sisters are messed up. They take stuff THEY are mad about,i.e. the war, gay people, monkeys that can yodel, etc. and say "We're mad because God is mad. He likes us, not you. You suck, Sinner!"
Let's break that down. Point of fact: God is not cool with sin thus why He sent Jesus to die on the cross to atone for sin (all the stuff you know you're not supposed to do but do anyway because you want to, dang it). Sin does make God mad; our sin cost Him a lot. Also note that God did that because He loves us as His children. Sin separates us from God and ultimately, hurts us. That's why He hates it. He's mad about sin the way we get mad at our kids for doing things they shouldn't do. We're upset and most times we have to punish the wrongdoing, but we never stop loving the kid even though we hate what they did/are doing because it's hurting them. God hates sin because it hurts the sinner that He loves. Got that? Okay. Now...
Those who shout angrily that "God hates _____!" are more than likely the ones who are actually angry about ____. Let's call them the Miffed. Fill in the blank yourself, and be creative because it is highly probably that God might not even have much of an opinion on that blank. There are certain social issues out there that need to be addressed, true. But God does NOT hate politicians, gay people, soldiers, Muslims or anyone else. The Bible says (someplace for I cannot find the reference, but if you know it, post it in the comment section) that God wants us none of us to perish for all to know repentance and everlasting life. All means all 8 billion of us by the by. Not just Bolivians or people who only wear polka dots. All. He doesn't hate anyone. The Miffed do though and they justify it by stamping God's name to their hate. I'm sure the Miffed have some verse they could quote me about why they are right. I have some verses I could quote to you about how donkeys really can talk like in Shrek and how God has bears eat teenagers who call old men bald. I'm also sure that the Miffed and my verses are quite out of context. Please don't judge the Bible or those who believe in it on such snips and snaps.

Quick rabbit trail: If one says God hates something He doesn't, is that taking the Lord's name in vain? Hmmmm....

"God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger."

I have an idea: I will give you a great example of the Miffed and how God sees that. I will use the Bible, and I will even do it in context...true story. Here goes John 8:2-11

2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

In the Miffed vs. Jesus, the Miffed bring the sinner caught in the act even, screaming, "You hate her! She's a sinner! We got proof the Bible says even!" Jesus could've said, "True story. Stone her. She sucks." Notice He didn't do that...what?! Game changer! One of the many things I love about Jesus is how He's so personal with everyone. When you pray, He's all, "I got that. She needs help and revelation aaaaaand what about you? Let's talk about what you got going on right now." I love how He just turns the table on the Miffed and is all,"I see. Adultress...noted...aaaaaand what bout you? No reasons for us to be stoning you? Because at this point, I'm the only one who can throw a stone with this criteria." Love. It. The Miffed were angry and hated her and wanted her dead for what she did. Jesus was angry with what she did, but He still loved her and had mercy. He just wanted better for her. Jesus is so AWESOME!!

Big Note: Pay attention to how Jesus forgave her but never said what she did wrong was okay. In fact, He told her NOT to be doing that anymore. If we want to be like Jesus, that's what Christians should be doing.

Examples: -"I can't tell you that I support your relationship because the Bible says you need to be married first. I can tell you that I still love you and no matter what you choose to do won't change that, ever." or "If you want to watch girly movies when we hang out, I'm out. I'm keeping my mind pure for the Lord and my wife. You wanna do some Halo though, I'm down."

"God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger." It comes from His love, mercy, and willingness to love us through our stupid. If you are doing wrong, He won't ever say it's right. He will always say, however, "I still love you, knock that mess off and follow Me. I got way better than that." and He do!

Don't be one of the Miffed. Be a Game Changer.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

HAHAHAHAAA! Oh Jen, You Really Do Need Adult Supervision

You know, sometimes things just don't work out the way you think they just might. For instance, I pictured going on my hike
with some folks from church and then
going home and getting ready for my
sample sale. That was pretty much it. Nothing, I don't know, dramatic or anything. And then...

And then Eric went back they way we came because Ella "just can't take it any more..why is there so much walking?" Perhaps if they installed those moving walkways people would be more inclined to enjoy the great outdoors. I'm just brainstorming here.

And then I had to catch up with everyone else because Lili L.O.V.E.S. Delaney so obviously she had to hike with her. I get Lili back and Eric is too far to follow but I can still see the other group so I follow them. And then,

And then there were TWO different paths to follow. So I follow the path markers we had been following. It was the right direction but the wrong path. It took me a lot longer because I had to carry Lili (who was a little trooper even at 4) most of the way and the path was the longer one as well. A mountain biker told me I didn't have far to go (Praise the Good, Good, really really Good Lord!) when I heard someone shouting my name. I answer back to hear "Don't move! We're sending a dog after you!"
I laugh knowing that there is no way on this side of Heaven that I shall ever live this down. It's not that they called out the dogs; they were training in the area that day, but come on! Oh man. That one's gonna stick to me like a milk dud. Also, search and rescue people and their dogs are burly my friends. Just saying.

So what did I learn?

1) I am blessed to have people in my life who like me enough to send out search parties to find me.

2) It is possible to be going the right way down the wrong path...there's a sermon in that I just know it.

3) Team Easley will be hiking as a five pack from now on.

4) Yup, apparently everything I do is dramatic....even going for a walk in the woods.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Not a Lot of Moms Will Admit This....

Here's the deal. I love my kids. I want them. I am blessed to have them and to know them. I wouldn't want them to change...okay, I do want them to whine less and pick up more but you get my meaning. My girls are truly the best thing I've ever done, and for all my Jesus freakies out there, I do know God did most of the work there.

With all that being said, I don't always like them. They annoy me. They are hard to live with because they always drain me, but rarely to they fill me back in. They are stubborn. They can be conniving. I'm sure if given enough time, paper clips and chewing gum, they could find a way to take over the world so that they would never have to go to bed on a school night. I'm also quite certain that some of the sounds they make when screaming, if recorded, would be used as torture devices. Being a mom to these girls is hard.

Understand also that I am NOT saying that my motherhood life is harder than any other mother. In fact, the only moms who truly have it harder than any other are those whose children are terminally ill or whose children's minds will never grow out of a child-like state. My struggles are just different.

I did want to be a mom. Like many things in life, they didn't come out the way I had planned. My eldest had speech delays and she is very tall. I got a lot of Baby Huey comments. It's not funny. I will beat you and pray for your healing. Yes, it's a sore spot. My second born has autistic tendencies. What? My third is in speech classes for copying the communication patterns of her sisters. Are you kidding me? I'm a communications major! I taught pre-school, and I can't teach my own kids how to talk? I'm in constant meetings with teachers, speech pathologists, and psychobabble people. I am always in translation mode: do they understand or are they playing the game? 2+2 isn't 2, work with me! I KNOW you know this, prove it!

I didn't sign up for this....oh, wait....yes, I did. I just didn't get what I thought I was signing up for. My challenges are no harder than yours; they are different. Single moms have different challenges. Only child moms, the same. Military moms, moms of multiples, the list continues. Motherhood isn't always fun and happy. It's hard and brutal and painful and little gratitude for your work comes your way during the battles.

But I do fight when I'm tired. I do breath deeply when I want scream. I will NOT give up on my daughters because I believe they will live a very happy and blessed life if I don't. I will deal with what I've been given with prayer and love. I'm not always happy, but I always have the Joy of the Lord and the knowledge that He thinks I can do this even though I don't always agree.

No, I'm not always enraptured by motherhood. I am, however, always blessed by my children. I always love and support them. I am always proud of them. I always believe in them. I would choose them as mine if given the choice. I will fight to the death for them. Though they break my heart, I will strive never to break theirs.

It's what I signed up for....all of it...like or lump it.

Monday, September 19, 2011

If You Think It Ends In High School...Psych!


I have to tell you Ebay's latest commercial really upset me. Check the link above to see it for yourself. We, as a nation, have decided to lynch mob bullying...unless we can use it to sell iPads. Don't you just love a good double standard? So what if the guy takes notes with a pen? Like most bullying, it's over nonsense. Why didn't the boss stop it? If I'm in charge, I don't have time or patience for middle school ridicule. Put a stop to it. Let people know that kind of thing isn't tolerated if for no other reason that it's unprofessional. Why didn't the other co-workers say anything? Really? When you laugh at bullying, you are just biding your time until YOU become the target. Not so funny when it's you taking the heat, is it?

Now for the big question of the day: Why do I feel the need to defend an actor in a commercial in which nothing in real life really happened? Because this really does happen in real life. Poor misunderstoods who swim against the flow think once they leave the dregs of high school it's all over but not true. People who feel the need to get a laugh at the expense of others are everywhere, at any age. Bullies are at the gym, the park, the workplace, the mommie and me group...all that's changed is the age. People who are still afraid of bullies will laugh. People who don't know what to do still stay silent. People who are different still feel like losers.

People like me tell the bullies to shut their pie holes because it's a pen for the love of pete! I honestly no longer wish to support Ebay or buy a iPad. I also plan on writing to both companies and letting them know why I'll not be a patron. I'll let you know what happens. In the mean time, follow Kevin's advice. "Stop it! Be nice!"

Monday, August 29, 2011

but what, Lord?

Do you just have that feeling that something has to give? Something has to change? Something, somehow, somewhere is going to do something that is going to change things, possibly forever? That's where I'm at today...the waiting place but I really don't feel that it's going to be for long. I just don't know what's going to happen. I've been praying for something, and honestly, I don't know what. That's been my prayer: "Lord, I don't know why but I'm feeling that things are going to change and I need you go guide my steps for Your glory and for the good of my family." So He answers (because that's what He does), but what? What is the IT I'm looking for? What's the THING He's sending our way? It's almost as if it's in air which makes it even more fist clenching because you can't see air! The game's a-foot! Let's see what happens next...be praying y'all....

Friday, August 19, 2011

Inspired By Marco Germar...

He was a finalist on So You Think You Can Dance. I so blame Vicky because she made me watch it. Anyway...(still Vicky's fault)...this guy could dance. It was something he said, rather than a piece he danced that really got me stirred.

"If you have a reason to live, then you don't have a reason to quit." -Marco Germar

Do the math. If you only but one reason to live, you have zero reasons to quit. It just so happens I have more than one reason to live.

1) My children: I don't think people realize just how blessed they are to have normal, run of the mill children. Having said that, no matter what, I wouldn't trade my girls for ANY (bleep)-ing thing on this planet. It is, however, heartbreaking to see them try so hard every (bleep)-ing day to be normal and to have them ask "Why am I so different?" It takes everything they've got just to hold a conversation, some times just to be. If they aren't quitting, what gives me the right?

2) My husband: he's a good, goofy, adorable, giving, kind, helpful, trustworthy and everything any woman could ever want and ask for in a husband. That being said, he's my husband; keep your home wrecker hands off his body if you'd like to keep your hands attached your body.

3) My family: they are wonderful and loony. That's the way I like them. They believe in me when I don't believe in myself. Since they love to be right, I can't let them down either.

4) My dreams: I do have things I want to do in this world. Only I can do them.

5) God: I ain't dead yet, so I'm not done yet. There must be more on the agenda.

I have much to do, no good reason to quit. Guess I'd better get to it, y'all. (Vicky's fault, remember?)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Mama Say GGRRRRR!!!

OH. NO. You. did. not.

God loves my children. They have not perished at my hand though not for utter lack of trying.

My eldest is going through the beginnings of puberty...how do any of us survive our parents? The grace of God, my friends. That's why.

It begins.

She screams. She slams doors. She pitches worse fits then those of her 4 year old sister. She seems to be earnest in her professions of not understanding why such behavior is unacceptable. She knows better than I do...obviously. She tries (and usually fails thus the behavior listed above) to do whatever she wants when ever she wants to do it. She has cried all night because she was punished for trying to take things that weren't hers. She had to write sentences. You would've thought we put the child on the rack. I kid you not. She didn't finish before bedtime. She had time to work before church. Plenty of time. Now we stay home because she wasn't done in time because "Well, I just don't want to write it! I never will! Never!" And now, 3 hours later.... Still. Not finished.

I could so use an un-dead monkey to shoot at right now.

I now see why people give up. I understand why some parents just can't do it, deal with it, stand it anymore, and I've got years until independent children. It would be so easy to give up, and goodness know, I really want to just to make the drama stop. But I can't because if I make it easy now, she won't be able to take the hard stuff. It hurts now, but I have the feeling it will be unbearable later if I don't stand firm. I'm angry. I'm tired. My throat hurts. I think I could be more fore bearing if the fits were over things like not being able to eat all day, but they are over things like picking up shoes. Really? Oh yes, really. @#$@%@$%!#$!!!!

You keep praying for our ultimate survival. I'll go look for that un-dead monkey. Hopefully, he's got a bucket of sanity and a pardon from the governor.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Rules of Engagement for the Fluffy and Fabu

Okay...I'm at the Bell's (or Beall's) Outlet looking for a shirt. Nada. Bummer. Of course, I wasn't the only one looking for fabu deals. And after hearing a few comments, I realized not all fluffy people understand the rules of engagement when it comes to looking for new clothes. Some of the rules are flexible but the first one is not.

1) Classy ALWAYS trumps trashy. Meaning: There are weight limits to tube tops, mini-skirts and bikinis. I think it's awesome that you have the ovaries to wear that in public, but it doesn't look good. People are making fun of you. Get on your I'm-Fuffy-And-Foxy-And-You-Wish-You-Were-Me soapbox in clothes that cover your junk up.

2) Like love, an Empire waist covers a multitude of sins...and that extra jiggle in your wiggle.

3) Don't get stuck on a size. They can vary from store to store, and outlets are famous for inaccuracy. Also, who cares if the outfit is labeled "maternity" if you're looking so hot you make fire stop, drop and roll.

4) If something is a size to small or a size to big, don't buy it. Even if it's on clearance for $3, you are more than likely NOT going to wear that garment. Save your money.

5) Bring your best I-Promise-To-Let-You-Look-Busted friend with you. The best of friends tell you the truth no matter how good you think you look.

6) If you like one thing about the garment on the hanger, try it on because you never know...what looks nice on the hanger can look crazy on the body and what looks "Say What?" on the hanger can look "Ohhhh Mamma!" on the body.

You'll be making everyone want to be you...if they don't already..ow!

(I'm serious about the weight limit thing...)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Reminiscing and Missing..

It's probably the rainy weather we've been having. I've been thinking a lot about my friends: new, old, in touch and not so much. The army moved us every three years, so you had to make the most of the time you had anywhere. These are the people who I've been thinking about, praying for, and missing a bit:

April Capps, Christine Fient, Kelly Blevins, Jenny Ernst, Jennifer Scott, and Carrie Coddington: these were my middle school buddies...really the only friends I had. I was definately NOT popular, but it was okay. I had the friends I needed.

Heidelburg: man...the best part about Heidelburg is that everyone knew that you were gone in 3 years because it was an army base. It's hard to describe a place where the new kid isn't new for long because everyone knows what it's like to be the new kid...man...it was a great place...so many great friends and times. Kalli, Lorna, Anita, Gooch, Tosh, Scauflaire, Susan, Frank, Kevin, Walt, and Greg....best. friends. ever. still. I wish for each and everyone of them absolutely nothing but the best. I miss them almost daily, and our adventures are still my best stories.

Sigh...Lizz. Rissie. Krissy. Ants. Mark. Rose. I truly have no words for you guys. You are so in my heart. As stated in Nicolas Nicholsby, "Family is not only those with whom we shared blood, but also for those which we would shed our blood." That'd be you.

Also in that same catagory comes Sandina, G-Dog, Hill-Billy, Bri-Baby, Bubbason and Danna D...our college days didn't include lots of drinking but I'm not sure if people could tell. What does it say about you you're just as goofy sober as most people are under the influence? Hush. That was rhetorical. Thanks for helping me grow up....slightly.

And recently added to this list is Kimmee for whom the Navy has swept away to VA. and Fawn who is still in town just not as available as she used to be. It's just not the same without you guys.

Blessings that you can't even imagine or contain be given to each and everyone of you. I've been blessed to have known you...thanks again.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Romans 8:28

Do you see this little bit of super cuteness? She turned 4 years old yesterday. I was thinking about the day she was born, and how she's not really a baby anymore. And then, I began to think about how God worked it all out and I was gobsmacked at the absolute ridiculous awesomeness of it all. Check this out. Boy meets girl: two kids in the youth begin to date. Will they last? Who knows? It is high school after all. Well fortunately both of them realize how amazing the other is and they think: let's get hitched. Miss B. will soon be Mrs. S.

Back at the stately El Hira, Jen finds she is with child much to her surprise and shock. She and her man, Major Hotness, have decided that 2 kids is enough...God was thinking 3...the baby is due on Aug. 6th, 2007.

Boy marries girl: like everyone else that year, Miss B. and Mr. S. decide they want to marry on 7-7-07, but because everyone else wants to marry on that day, that doesn't happen. They are to marry almost 3 week later on July 23rd, 2007. Because they are cool like that, they invite Jen and the Major to the wedding. They happily go.

Before the wedding: Jen has 37 weeks of baby using her bladder as a trampoline. She rushes to the bathroom before the wedding is to start. She leaves the bathroom and is forced by someone pushy to run to her seat so the lovely Miss B. can walk down the isle on time. Now usually, Jen would've told pushy person where to stick it, but she didn't want to upset Miss B. on her day, so she runs and is then yelled at by the Major for running.

The wedding: Miss B. and Mr. S. got married.

During the reception: Jen starts to feel rather ill and wants to go home even though everyone is line dancing, and it is very hard for Jen to give up a line dance. Very. Hard. By the way, Major Hotness blames this on the running...not helping Eye Candy Man. They leave early.

The next day at the El Hira: Jen is talking on the phone from bed because she's still not feeling good. She's not feeling good because she's been in very mild labor since running down the isle. Her good buddy Lizz makes her laugh so hard her water breaks. Uh-oh. It's baby time. Time to call the Lanning hotline for help. It's not quite the Bat Phone, but it's pretty cool.

At the hospital: About 6 hours later, Annalina Elizabeth is born on July 24th, 2007 at almost 9 lbs. Yeah, that hurt. She was born almost 3 weeks early. She had slight breathing trouble called snorting and flaring. She also had her cord wrapped around her neck a few times and two knots in the cord. If she had been born later and bigger...things might have been bad.

Tonight at the El HiraLina: I am struck at how God wove all these happenstances together to make this awesome picture...like one of those picture mosaics...a bunch of little moments ended up in one big one. I'm not saying something bad would have happened if Lili had been born later, but that's some pretty good circumstantial evidence in favor of God's ultimate protection and divine grace. Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Happy Anniversary Adam and Chelsey Sexton. May your life be filled with joy, blessings, and the kind of crazy only God can provide. Don't ever think God isn't using you in some way or another because you just might not be in the loop yet. I love you both and thank God for you.

Happy Birthday Little Pretty. Ditto. Mamma loves you and I thank God for you.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

It's Raining, It's Pouring and Everyone But Me is Snoring...

I don't know just how it happened, but I am the only one awake on this rainy Saturday. I have to get ready to go in a second. I'm getting some much needed Mommy Alone time.


As much as I love my girls, I understand how absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think we've been together a bit to much in this weather, and we are all getting on everyone's last good nerve. We just need to miss each other a bit. Not too much. Just a bit.

Today's thought of the day is: by month's end, I will have a 9, 6, and 4 year old. Technically, I'm out of babies. Honestly, I'm a little sad, but I ready to move past that part of motherhood. I'm actually looking forward to the challenge of the teenager (famous last words, I know) but I really want to go on adventures that they are still too small for. So we'll make blue cow cookies for now (I so can't eat them...I just made them for the kids) and we'll hike mountains later.

I'm very proud and blessed to have the girls I've been given. I just need to miss them...just for a bit. So snore on little sleepies...mamma's steppin' out!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

When This is How You Start the Day....

Look, I love my children. You can tell because they are still alive. They try to die all the time. Today's example: I woke up to a hissing noise and something sliding across my arm...true story. In my mind, I was in a video of MosterQuest and the 50 ft. Anaconda was about to eat me whole and alive, but no...it was just a 3 year old with a stretched out slinky. You would think one so young would have so much to live for and not tempt death. This is not the case. Now that I am up because I tapped into my inner Amazon Woman to kill the giant snake, I can see that today what I have to fear is not a 50 ft. snake. It's a 50 ft. pile of laundry that's been piling up because we were having fun this week. I am smart. I am strong. I can conquer bear hair, killer snakes and monster laundry....and kids with slinkys.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Almost tomorrow

In just 9 minutes it will be tomorrow. Why am I still up? Because I just had to listen to some music, which included (I can't believe I'm admitting this) a re-mixed Miley Cyrus song. It rocks. Don't judge me! I'm wondering what this tomorrow is going to bring. I'm wondering if I should have a certain conversation with someone. I'm wondering if I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I'm wondering what I'll make for dinner. I'm wondering how my kids will act at the movies. I'm wondering if my dog will pee on the rug again...gross dog! I'm wondering a lot of stuff that I'd probably wouldn't wonder about if I were in bed sleeping like a normal person. Now I'm wondering just what is normal and do I really want to achieve it. Isn't normal another word for boring? I strive to be a lot of things, and two of them are NOT normal and boring.

Four minutes until tomorrow...

Like y'all care about all of this. I'm wondering if you do. Maybe you're bored and that's why you read this which just goes to show that there really is just too much on the internet nowadays.

Three minutes until tomorrow...

Jen's out...peace!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

I Have to Do It Because Vicky Said To....

Vicky's blog is about the things that God puts on this earth to bless us with the knowledge that He likes to make His kids smile. She went with doughnuts, Starbucks, massages and yard sales...she's good. I must add to this list...because she said to...read the title, man.

Cola gummis. I first discovered these in Germany. They are chewy bits of "Aw Dang!" awesome. If I'm going to eat unnecessary calories that will fill me with regret it's going due to these babies.

Indoor plumbing. I know I've said it before, but God bless the person who made it so that we can take of business without worrying about what might be creeping and crawling up our business. Plus, Florida is hot which increases the chances of dangerous chemical reactions. I'm just saying a lovely toilet is a lovely thing. I like this one...it's shiny.

Here's one of the best ones of all, friends you can laugh with about everything and nothing. I have a friend I made laugh at a funeral. (It was so wrong, I know, it was just...sorry) I have a friend who can just make this one face and I'm laughing. Laughter is the best medicine, and friends are the best way to get the dose you need to get through whatever.

Seriously, there is something about eating something that can clog any part of your body at whim that makes it like eating crispy danger. The fact that you can fry just about everything that is edible tells you that God must be for it. I mean, that's just logical right there. Beware though; like everything is awesome, you must partake in moderation or else risk the awesome becoming mundane....and your butt becoming the size of Delaware. It's small state but still...

Again, because she says so, I
have added to Vicky's list of God de-stressers.

I have one more. Crazy funky hair cuts with WHAT? colors. I love it! I love it! I love it!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Living in Bravery...Being the Mom

Today I am wearing white shorts. I must say as a mom of a toddler it is one of the bravest things you can do this side of some kind of war or trauma. It got me thinking. What other acts of bravery do average women face every day just because they woke up...and then so did the kids.

1) We brave judgement from the very beings we brought life to; from our choice of breakfast, to outfits, to way what movies we allow them to watch, our kids just love to point out our dorkiness.

2) We brave judgement from other moms. Yeah, I bottle feed...and?

3) We brave sacrifice. Those shoes might be on sale with only one pair left in your size, but the baby needs diapers. Dang it! Poop wins.

4) We brave stains on every single thing we own. Sometimes, we don't want to know what it is, how it got there, or who did it....just clean it up.

5) We brave an unknown future with the faith and optimism that it will get better. In the US, we're even more blessed because we don't live in a war zone. Praise be to God that things can get better if we ALL make the right choices.

6) We brave the possibility of losing our children to their own bad choices or the bad choices of others. We cannot save them from stupidity all the time.

I think the thing we brave most of all is the uncertainty that we are "doing it right." Am I doing everything I can to help my kid be a productive member of society? Am I making the right choices? If I screw up, can I redeem my mistake? Am I doing too much? Am I doing too little?
What the #$#%$#%^ am I doing anyway?

Hears to all those brave moms out there: wear those white shorts...those little handprints don't stay little for long...be brave

Thursday, May 26, 2011

look at it another way

I was having a little chat with mine husband this morning. I'm thinking it might encourage some of you too. What had happened was...

He was saying that he's not where he used to be spiritually speaking. My eyebrow shot up in confusion. You see, Bear and I see things differently...he speaks in binary code and I speak Gonzo the Great.

His side: Things are different in the different areas he's serving in. Not that they are bad; he approves of the changes/directions things are going in. But that's not the issue. It's more of the change-is-hard-and-I-don't- really-know-where-I-fit kind of thing. For really smart, tech-ish guys like Bear, this is hard place to be. You're looking at the data screen of your life and your spiritual bar used
to be up here, and now it's down here and what does this data show us. Oh no! My Jesus-ness is slipping! Emergency meeting! We must analyze the data and reconfigure our lives in a priority one setting. Commense analyzation process..... (an aside from the wife: this gets irritating because Bear has always kept Jesus at the forefront and doesn't see that sometimes. False data will screw up your Jesus chart in a jiffy, my friends)

My side: Wow. There's a pill for that.
Try to look at it another way. Things change because they do. Instead of looking up and down, flip the chart and look out. You're not in the same place you were because you're not the same person you were. You're still truckin' towards the Lord, just on a different path then you once traveled. A better path, might I add, because you've grown and paved the path a little for the people who are coming up behind you. Jesus-ness still intact...go and serve the Lord with confidence. The data on your graph is conflicted with false reports of the Devil. Abort the project and redefine you project goals.

I'm trilingual: I speak English, Gonzo and Geek. Groovy am I.

So be encouraged today if things aren't the way you think they should be in your relationship with Jesus. Just really check the data and the map to see where you really are. You might be surprised, hopefully, in a good way. If you jumped off the path, you might want to get back on before you picked off by wolves, bears or an angry mob disgruntled by the results of American Idol. It could happen.

Now, if you don't have a relationship with Jesus yet, it's never to late to pick up the map and start the journey for yourself. I can help you with that if you like. I am groovy after all.

Monday, May 23, 2011

the catch phrase i can do without...

"It's all my fault!" is the new catch phrase of my middle child. It's how she expresses all her negative emotions. I have to pull out of her what is actually wrong...it makes me crazy. Just say what you want to say...i know you can because you DID before you picked up this catch phrase.

Then I watched an episode of Clean House.

Now, I know I am not the best house keeper in the world, but I own that. These homes looked like bombs went off, but NO ONE was taking the credit for these glorious eruptions. They were passing the buck and getting mad at the hostess for saying this is no way to live. I mean, when your children are worried about your well-being, something needs to be done. Still, no one said it's my fault. They refused to get out of their own way.

Then I started thinking. (a dangerous past time...I know)

Am I limiting myself on the goals I have because I'm refusing to get out of my own way? I don't know yet, but I'm willing to take stock and find out because there are things I still wish to attempt in my life. I'm not out of this race yet, but do I keep falling because I refuse to tie my own laces? More thinking required on my part....

Think about it yourself...is it all your fault? Own it if is. Make the changes you need to make to be the you and come into the destiny God has for you. Don't eat fast food if you want to lose weight. Don't watch TV if you don't want to waste time. Don't watch TV if you want to spend more time with your kids. Don't spend your money if you want to save it. Don't be disrespectful if you want to be respected. Don't be a slacker if you want to be promoted. I'm so talking to myself more than I am to anyone else. Again, something to think about....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


I'm just a person. (taking deep breathes) I know that accidents happen. I know that they are more common with small children. I also know that likely hood of an accident happening is greater when said small child doesn't think to pay attention. I also know that I've lost my grace for such things. It's as if there is nothing else in existence sometimes. She just meanders with eyes wide open without focusing on a thing. It's maddening. Today she finally did it. She broke something that has been an ongoing project because she just wasn't paying attention and so flung her woobie around her head. Did I mention it's the second time she's broke said object not paying attention? Yeah. Mom's pissed. Add in tears of remorse and self condemnation here. Look. Mom's getter more pissed. I don't know if she's trying to make me pity her or if she's just voicing her feelings at the moment, and guess what? I don't care. I cannot stand people calling themselves names it's one of the top 5 in the pet peeve department. Then, I lower the boom: she's paying for it. What's that? No money? You get to work it off then. Life Lessons 108 is still in session. You break it, you buy it. I just want to have a few nice things...not a ton. But a few would be great. So yes I yelled. No, I'm not sorry I did. I did tell the child she is forgiven but the consequence stands.

Just pay attention! Use your optical nerves given you by God! Where the farkle is that squirrel so I can kick it?!

It's moments like these where I can see the benefit of having an undead monkey to shoot.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fall Asleep Counting My Blessing....

Sleep eludes me lately. Between kids wanting to use me as their body pillow and a brain that just won't. stop. thinking. Just stop! What is there possibly to think about at one in the morning?! For reals!

I digress.

Taking a page from White Christmas, let's fall asleep counting my blessings and things I'm just happy God has put in my world..

1)Monkeys that can yodel. Okay, it's not yodeling per say, but they sure are a cute threesome of monkeydom. You will see them numbered on the right side of the blog.

2)Hot Swedish guys with gotees named Eric David Easley who understands that when he catches me doing the Running Man for no reason, I've forgotten that I'm not alone in the house.

3) A family that is crazy but not dysfunctional...there is a difference.

4) My 3 brown friends from PR: Sandra, Vicky and Lorna. They are themselves at all times, and that is refreshing. I like knowing exactly where I stand, and they don't hold back, but kindly.

5) My Premier Designs business and the people I get to work with. They care more about the state of your soul than the state of your retail. They are like my second church and people who really want me to be the best me I can be with the help of Jesus.

6) I have a roof over my head, food in the pantry, and an AC that works.

7) I have enough to share.

8) I have the ability to make my world more special and more beautiful by using my gifts and talents to serve others and my family.

9) I have indoor plumbing.

10) I have Pride and Prejudice on DVD.

11) I have a cat that looks like he's been slain in the spirit when he's sleeping. Hallelujah!

12) I have a tiny Christmas tree my mom gave me on my desk.

13) I have a cross from Peru my sister gave my on my wall.

14) I have sign that says I <3 Pigs my dad carved in my pig collection.

15) I have 3 super cool purse my MIL made for me...she even extended the handles on one of them for my super long arms which is one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me.

16) I have 2 beds that my older daughters love my FIL made for them...actually, they love everything Mo-Chi has made for them.

17) I have a church that is incredible. They are my second family...not as crazy, but just as awesome.

18) Latte coffee mugs...I like the handles.

19) Cups of Poe from the Drowsy Poet.

20) My oldest and dearest friends: Kalli, Lizz, Lorna, Fawn and Vicky. They continue to be confidants and people who love me despite me.

21) My twin sister Shannon aka Pickle Head who is now one of my best friends despite our rocky first 20 years of sisterhood. We never hit in the face or stabbed in the back, but the rest was free game. =) Plus, she knows how to lay tile which is gonna come in handy when we do the bathroom this summer.

22) Netflix.

23) My little brown throw pillow of a dog, Chloe. I don't what I'm gonna do with a real dog after Chloe passes.

I'll think I'll leave it there for now...really...feeling...sleepy.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

One Soap Box Ticket Please; Destination: Sex

Alright. I've been thinking about this one for about a week. I like Glee. It's funny, and the music is stellar. Sometimes though...some times I'm not impressed. The episode "Sexy" that has the character Holly Holiday teaching sex ed left me quite the opposite of impressed. If this is what people really think about teens and sex, well it's just no wonder...

Now, I realize that it's been a year or two since I was a teenager, and I know that what is considered actual sex (thank you President Clinton) is up for negotiation these days. And before anyone slaps down the Jesus Freak card, hear me out as I step up on my soap box.

"I have a full tank. Get ready." -the Ya-Ya sisterhood.

First of all, Holly Holiday made the comment that saying a teenager could choose to be abstinent was like saying a lion could choose to be a vegetarian. Honestly, that made my mouth drop. That's just not fair. Not only is it unfair to say that teenagers lack the ability to control themselves, but it's also saying they shouldn't be expected to be in control of themselves. I disagree with a passion. I think that kids should be learning self control as soon as they learn how to crawl. I don't let my kids play with matches because they just "can't help themselves." I educate them on the dangers of their behavior, tell the the consequences, let them know what will happen if I see the dangerous behavior again and then I stick to my guns. You know why? Because I have faith that my girls can help themselves. They are smart and capable of behaving in appropriate ways. I do honestly believe that teenagers are smart and capable enough to know how to hold themselves back. I believe that being completely honest about the emotional, psychological and physical consequences of sex is actually arming kids with the ability to control themselves. They aren't savage beasts who just act on urges. They are humans with brains, and, believe it or not, they actually use them.

The other Are-You-Kidding-Me? moment was when Holly Holiday told the girls that were in the abstinence club that she thought "they were naive and possibly frigid." Really? Frigid? Back in the days of Women's Lib, women gather in large groups and burnt their bras while exclaiming that it was our bodies and we could had the right do whatever we wanted to do with it amongst other things. Well, if we have the right to have sex whenever with whomever, don't we have the right to say not now but thanks anyway? Is a 16 year old girl or guy frigid if they just aren't ready for sex? I don't care what the media says sex is NOT like hugging only wetter. It IS kinda a big deal. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be now would it?

I know that those of you who've known me from my youth, know that I chose not to have sex until marriage. My choice. Now for those of you rolling your eyes because I was all virginal due to my religion please know Jesus really didn't have anything to do with it. Fear did. I didn't want to get pregnant, and I didn't want to tell my mom I wanted to have sex and to get me some pills. You know how to get around that? Don't have sex! Works great actually. My parents did a great job educating me on the physical and emotional aspect of sex. It gave me the gumption to say no even when I wanted to say yes because I didn't want the consequences. I didn't want to get prego in high school, and college boys...well, the ones who asking me for booty calls just were...yeah... You know what else helps? Dating gentlemen who respected me or at least acted like they did by not pushing me physically. This goes for guys too. If someone doesn't respect your boundries, they don't respect you and what you want. Yes, that means the only person I've ever had sex with is my husband. I have no regrets about what I didn't do with other guys because it was my choice. And using my brain to reason the pros and cons, I chose to wait even when my hormones didn't want to. News flash: I didn't always want to.

Bottom line: You can choose to wait if YOU want to. It's your body. You CAN control it. IT does not control you! Waiting doesn't mean you're frigid or naive. I think it means the opposite; that you're smart enough to keep your mess together. Do I believe sex is for marriage only? I do, but I believe that boundry was set for our protection not to take away our fun. And yes, I know that if a kid wants to have sex, he'll find a way to get it. I just think if every single young adult knew just how much they are worth, how precious they are, how much they are valued they wouldn't be flippant about such risky behavior that could not only poison them with disease but also wound their hearts and souls.

So youth of today: Don't let some pretty face use you for their own pleasures. You are worth so much more than JUST what your body can give. If you don't want to wait, at least wait long enough to really think and think hard about what you're going to do and the consequences of your actions. There is no such thing as having sex "on accident", just poor planning. Oh, and I don't care how hot that guy/girl is, if they only want to have sex with you because you're good looking (and you know you are), they are just using you a tool of masterbation. Don't fall for it. You deserve SO much better than that. And I'm off the soap box for now.