Now, I realize that it's been a year or two since I was a teenager, and I know that what is considered actual sex (thank you President Clinton) is up for negotiation these days. And before anyone slaps down the Jesus Freak card, hear me out as I step up on my soap box.
"I have a full tank. Get ready." -the Ya-Ya sisterhood.
First of all, Holly Holiday made the comment that saying a teenager could choose to be abstinent was like saying a lion could choose to be a vegetarian. Honestly, that made my mouth drop. That's just not fair. Not only is it unfair to say that teenagers lack the ability to control themselves, but it's also saying they shouldn't be expected to be in control of themselves. I disagree with a passion. I think that kids should be learning self control as soon as they learn how to crawl. I don't let my kids play with matches because they just "can't help themselves." I educate them on the dangers of their behavior, tell the the consequences, let them know what will happen if I see the dangerous behavior again and then I stick to my guns. You know why? Because I have faith that my girls can help themselves. They are smart and capable of behaving in appropriate ways. I do honestly believe that teenagers are smart and capable enough to know how to hold themselves back. I believe that being completely honest about the emotional, psychological and physical consequences of sex is actually arming kids with the ability to control themselves. They aren't savage beasts who just act on urges. They are humans with brains, and, believe it or not, they actually use them.
The other Are-You-Kidding-Me? moment was when Holly Holiday told the girls that were in the abstinence club that she thought "they were naive and possibly frigid." Really? Frigid? Back in the days of Women's Lib, women gather in large groups and burnt their bras while exclaiming that it was our bodies and we could had the right do whatever we wanted to do with it amongst other things. Well, if we have the right to have sex whenever with whomever, don't we have the right to say not now but thanks anyway? Is a 16 year old girl or guy frigid if they just aren't ready for sex? I don't care what the media says sex is NOT like hugging only wetter. It IS kinda a big deal. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be now would it?
I know that those of you who've known me from my youth, know that I chose not to have sex until marriage. My choice. Now for those of you rolling your eyes because I was all virginal due to my religion please know Jesus really didn't have anything to do with it. Fear did. I didn't want to get pregnant, and I didn't want to tell my mom I wanted to have sex and to get me some pills. You know how to get around that? Don't have sex! Works great actually. My parents did a great job educating me on the physical and emotional aspect of sex. It gave me the gumption to say no even when I wanted to say yes because I didn't want the consequences. I didn't want to get prego in high school, and college boys...well, the ones who asking me for booty calls just were...yeah... You know what else helps? Dating gentlemen who respected me or at least acted like they did by not pushing me physically. This goes for guys too. If someone doesn't respect your boundries, they don't respect you and what you want. Yes, that means the only person I've ever had sex with is my husband. I have no regrets about what I didn't do with other guys because it was my choice. And using my brain to reason the pros and cons, I chose to wait even when my hormones didn't want to. News flash: I didn't always want to.
Bottom line: You can choose to wait if YOU want to. It's your body. You CAN control it. IT does not control you! Waiting doesn't mean you're frigid or naive. I think it means the opposite; that you're smart enough to keep your mess together. Do I believe sex is for marriage only? I do, but I believe that boundry was set for our protection not to take away our fun. And yes, I know that if a kid wants to have sex, he'll find a way to get it. I just think if every single young adult knew just how much they are worth, how precious they are, how much they are valued they wouldn't be flippant about such risky behavior that could not only poison them with disease but also wound their hearts and souls.
So youth of today: Don't let some pretty face use you for their own pleasures. You are worth so much more than JUST what your body can give. If you don't want to wait, at least wait long enough to really think and think hard about what you're going to do and the consequences of your actions. There is no such thing as having sex "on accident", just poor planning. Oh, and I don't care how hot that guy/girl is, if they only want to have sex with you because you're good looking (and you know you are), they are just using you a tool of masterbation. Don't fall for it. You deserve SO much better than that. And I'm off the soap box for now.