(awkward and awesome)

(awkward and awesome)
First Wive's Club...one of Ma's favorites

Thursday, June 19, 2014

TV Stay-cation location: Miami

Miami, FL ... or so says Google
It's summer, and who doesn't want to travel.  Given the stress of travel, probably a lot of people, but that's what makes TV so great.  You don't have to travel to experience a new place;  all you need is a TV show in a location you want to visit.  You won't have to even leave your comfy place.

Check out what I learned watching CSI: Miami

1)  Miami, as a city, is really shiny.

2)  Every person in Miami has a bathing suit ready body and loves to flaunt it at the beach and/or pool.  Healthy foods and exercise must be paramount there.  I haven't seen one average sized person yet.  No muffin tops.  No muu-muus.  Just really hot skinny girls in bikinis.  Also, going by how many guys are shown verses girls, there are a lot more women than men in Miami.  Babe fest, fellas.

2)  Speaking of average, to work in law enforcement, you have to be above average in the looks department.  Pretty boys and girls only please!  The gathering of evidence can only be done with faces of beauty.  That's why their solve rate is so high.

3)  Not only are CSI personal to be good looking, they must be impervious to extreme heat so that they can wear pants, long sleeves and jackets at all times.  They don't even sweat.  They are miracles of nature really.  I don't know if the same is true of all professionals in Miami, but the lawyers seem pretty unfazed and unsweaty as well.

4)  The problem is a good CSI in Miami has to be a hot mess somehow.  They all have personal drama.  It can be exhausting, but hey, that's how you find killers: by working through your problems that have nothing to do with crime.  I did NOT know that until this show.  Fascinating.

5)  Nature, however, expresses how hot IT is by making even the very air yellow.  That's why every thing looks yellow in outside shots.  However, AC inside buildings makes things more purplish.  Miami is a place of wonder.

6)  Wild life near Miami will only attack you if you're dead, dying or trying to dump a body.

7)  If you go for a romantic walk on the beach, you will find a dead body.

8)  Also, if you go fishing or hiking you will find a dead body or that the fish you caught ate a body.

9)  This stay-cation location is a good idea because if you go there, you're going to be killed either as an innocent bystander or because of your various illegal activities.  One of the two.

10)  Lots of dead things end up in Miami, and beautiful hot messes figure out why.

And there you have it.  Everything you need to know about Miami courtesy  of CSI: Miami.  I'd love to visit in real life, but I gotta work on my beach body first!  Hehehehehe!

Friday, June 6, 2014

Thanks for Bearing With Me

And I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart.  It's been a rough few months, but they've also been very beneficial for us a family.  We moved to a new home that might be smaller but much more us somehow.  The only real problem is outside bugs keep getting in.  While this helps with my weigh loss efforts (bugs make me physically ill), it's really gross.  We got some professionals coming by.  Praise be.

We have each of the girls going to new schools next year.  All of them in their own school.  This could get interesting.  Middle Miss will be in summer school as she didn't pass the FCAT; yeah, this is going to be fun.  I think my thoughts would be best expressed by the words of Wayne from the movie Wayne's World:
"Sh-haaa, and monkeys might fly out of my butt."  In other words, I anticipate trouble.  I pray that I'm wrong.

In other big and really good news. Big Miss doesn't need back surgery for her scoliosis.  She's also taller than me..5'11" at 11 years old.  Totally normal.  I love my Amazonian baby.

All in all, though the waters were rough, we landed in a safe harbor.  God is good, and He's been very good to us.  Once again, no matter what He has put before us, we have come through because He never leaves us.  You may serve other gods or no god at all, but as for me and my merry band of Amazons, nutter-butters, and LARPers, we will serve the Lord.  I highly recommend it.  That and Godiva chocolate.

That's good too.