(awkward and awesome)

(awkward and awesome)
First Wive's Club...one of Ma's favorites

Monday, January 23, 2012

From the Heart of a Bear

For some reason today, I have been obsessed with waterfalls: their meanings, looking at them, surrounding myself with their imagery, recalling their sounds. I've been having a crappy morning, internally frelled up. I told my wife that I'm so anti-social today that I don't want to see people, talk to people, heck, I don't even want to LOOK at pictures of people. Maybe that prompted my search for scenery and then specifically images of waterfalls on the net. I came up with attached image along with half a dozen others like it. I wish I could just sit with my back against a rock and fall asleep listening to that scene. Places like this are happy places for me. So I decided to look for waterfall symbolism and what they mean... yeah, after finding crap on a new-age "find your medium" sites, Chinese tattoos and dream symbolism, I scrapped that approach and went where I should have, the Bible. I can't recall anywhere the phrase waterfall is used. A quick visit to biblegateway.com found that the only mention in the NLT of a waterfall is God's out-poured wrath, not the most encouraging phrase, but something that I'm feeling like is my lot right now. I didn't stop there. Tried a search for flowing water.

And the heavens opened and the Spirit of God rested upon me and my tears began to well... no waterfalls at work please. Found this passage specifically v.7:
Deuteronomy 8 - A Call to Remember and Obey

1 “Be careful to obey all the commands I am giving you today. Then you will live and multiply, and you will enter and occupy the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors. 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. 3 Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.4 For all these forty years your clothes didn’t wear out, and your feet didn’t blister or swell. 5 Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the LORD your God disciplines you for your own good.
6 “So obey the commands of the LORD your God by walking in his ways and fearing him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land of flowing streams and pools of water, with fountains and springs that gush out in the valleys and hills. 8 It is a land of wheat and barley; of grapevines, fig trees, and pomegranates; of olive oil and honey. 9 It is a land where food is plentiful and nothing is lacking. It is a land where iron is as common as stone, and copper is abundant in the hills. 10 When you have eaten your fill, be sure to praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you.
Most of the images that caught my eye this morning are like this... flowing streams and pools of water. Guess I'm not as broken as I think I am. Dang... I need a tissue

Saturdays Just Don't Seem To Be Working...

Man, this shirt...there is a reason it's an undershirt. I just can't seem to get to writing about all this on Saturday. It's like I'm on red alert all day.

So I spilled juice all over my shirt thus the new one.

And once again, so annoying, Mom is right (she almost always is) and I'm going to start a food journal. I was busted by Vic the Victorious not eating again. I'm not starving on purpose, but it's still not okay. So onward and upward.

Friday, January 20, 2012

I Can't Find My _________

Fill in the blank. For me, it's sanity, more time and the Vortex of Missing Socks. For my kids, it's anything they want right now that they can't find immediately. It's maddening. What are the things they ask for the most? The things for which they are responsible! It's as if saying, "Now this is your responsibility." really means, "Now this is your responsibility...unless you can't find it, and then, I will drop everything I need to do to find it for you." My word, it's like you say one thing, but all they hear is the opposite. My responsibility = you do it for me. That'd be a no.

It's like when you say, "Timmy says Mommy now!" when your friends come over, and Timmy just stares at you the entire visit with a look that clearly states "I'm no trained pony, Woman! Say Mommy yourself." And as soon as your friends leave, he smiles and says, "Mommy!" Or when your friend says, "Can you believe my son tried to make a bike ramp to jump his bike to the roof?!" And then you say, "Are you serious? Timmy has never tried anything like that." just in time for Timmy to go flying by the window out of the homemade cannon he just made out of household products and duct tape. Honestly! Why kids gotta make you a liar?

Back at the rabbit trail: If your kid really can make a cannon out of household items and duct tape, your kid is AWESOME! and my kids are so allowed to play with them.

As for the search of the missing _______, I don't have the patience because it ran off with my sanity. They lost it. They can find it. If they can't, oh well! I'm looking for my own stuff. Jen out! Peace! (Do people even say that for real anymore? I know I don't.)

Wrote This Yesterday

As I write this, the good people of Gulf Power are replacing the power pole outside of the house leaving without power for the next two hours. There goes my Once Upon a Time TV date with Bear. Back at the rabbit trail: Did they have to kill off Grant? He had the coolest accent on the show. Man!

Bear suggested I take the car and go somewhere which was a sweet suggestion. However, the idea that I can't stand to be without power for 2-3 hours unsettled me. I mean, I'm outdoorsy---ask the rescue dog.

Actually, it's not about being one with nature. It's about being so spoiled by the emenities of modern culture that no power equals the end of life as I know it. No On-line games? No laundry that I can throw in the wash and forget about? Wash my dishes by HAND? No FriendFace?! What will become of the world if they don't get my status updates?! Merciful Heavens! Why?! (Wow. That was dramatic.) Yeah. I don't want to be that person.

So instead of typing this out at the desk and posting, you be reading my third draft. The first was written using an ancient method known simply as pen and paper. I wrote it on the back porch sitting in a sunbeam while listening to birds and Chloe the Dog bark at the power guys. Not a bad way to start the day. Sans power may not be convenient, but at least I don't have to pluck my own chickens. (That's what I tell myself when I'm feeling whiney) Now, I'm gonna read some Failing Forward by John Maxwell. If the the power is still out when the girls get home, I think I'm gonna make them wash some clothes by hand because satellite is pricey, but this kind of drama is legal and free. Shameless.

(P.S. The power was on an hour before the girls got home. Next time....)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sassafrass Sunday

I'm sexy and I know it. Bear dared me to use this one this week. I know I'm sitting in the car not standing. Trust me. The lumps are the same. So the body remains unchanged, but I think I may have hit on some of my weight loss pot holes. And yeah, I really did hit them.
1) Man I love soda. Gotta stop drinking those calories.
2) I think I'm hot no matter how fat I am. I embrace my inner fluff, and I can't help it that fluff is good-looking. It genetic. Seriously, all the ladies in my family are fantastic. Just ask them.
3) I under eat. I just forget, or I get busy. My fat cells are all, "Dig in Reatha! We're in here for the long haul!" My body thinks it's never gonna eat again, so it clings to my thighs like a co-dependent roommate. I never had one of those, but I've seen that Lifetime movie, so you know it's real. Basically, I have to get better about eating regular meals not just random snacks. Truth is, for a fluffy fox, I don't really eat that much. I just don't eat properly.

So now that I'm seeing some things I need to work on, it can only help. I need to see if I can get an update for Team Me on the Biggest Loser. Anyone know?

So, back to work for me, and have a super fun day off if you got one tomorrow.

Monday, January 9, 2012

My Bad Monday...sorry!

Here it is! Sorry! I was actually out of the house all day Sat. with some AWESOME people (I didn't get permission to use their names so we'll call them Bama Mamma, Bama Babe and Bama Boy), I didn't get home in time to take the photo---thus My Bad Monday. So, I'm limiting myself to 1 Coke a week. I'm walking the dog every 30 minutes for house breaking purposes. I'm also doing various workouts for 45 minutes 3x a week to 5x a week. Let's see how she goes. And she's gotta go because of the following:

I was invited to a Simply Said party at Bama Mamma and Bama Babe's house. Seriously great and funny, funny people. As soon as 3 year old Bama Boy saw me he said. "I seen you on the TV." I say, "Cool." He's a little boy, and I'm thinking he's just letting his imagination run. I tell Bama Babe, his mom, and ask her if she had been looking at my pics on Facebook. Nope. Okay. Moving on. So later on, Bama Boy again says "I see you on my TV." So I say, "Oh really? What show?"

(Wait for iiiiiiiiiittttt.....)you have to read this in the Shawn voice

"The Biggest Loser." AWESOME SAUCE! Man! I just busted out laughing. This kid was convinced I was on the show! I'm all, I'm famous and I didn't even have to leave Milton! Bama Mamma, his grandma confirmed his conviction that I am on Biggest Loser. I even got 5 points. At least I'm losing weight.

This is Emily, and she is on The Biggest Loser. She's losing weight too. Bama Babe sent me this picture and said Bama Boy pointed her out on the TV and "She was at our house." Dude, she's pretty and younger than me...winning! That kid is in the will---might only be $5, but he's in. So I am official Team Emily aka Team Me! Woo Hoo! Good luck to both of us aka both of me!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Am Cotton Candy Awesome Sauce

So, I'm minding my own business when 2012 rolls around. The world is still here, so I think I should make a goal or two in the New Year. Tops on the list: write more, design more, work out more and help #2 with her reading more. All good things. Then, I saw the article below.


Here's the cliff notes of the article: if you are fat NOW, you are more than likely going to be fat FOREVER. Nothing quite like discouragement with your coffee, is there? Sigh. A side note rabbit trail: This image was under "happy fat girl"...this chick has my dream body. She should kick her agent in the knee.

Yeah, here's the thing. I don't like people telling me I can't...I so feel my kids pain when I tell them "No." even when it is for their good. Don't tell me that just because I'm fat now that I will never be a healthy weight again. No! I refuse to let you[health expert whom I know not] tell me that all my efforts will be in vain! I want to be healthier for myself and my kids. I want to be able to run without feeling my bum shaking like a salt shaker. I want to look amazing in a slut-tastic outfit not like a funny card written for your amusement! Admittedly, I wouldn't wear the slut-tastic outfit in public or around my girls, but I still want to be able to wear it like a Trophy Wife in Vegas. I will not be told it's not possible! Tell me I destined for fatness. Butt munch doctor...I'm sure he's a wonderful person in real life--I'm just mad at him right now.

Anyway, I'm going to be starting Suck It Up Sat. Every Sat., I will put up a picture of me in the same non-slut-tastic outfit. This way, I am accountable to you and to myself. Plus, I will have visuals I can compare to see what is working and what is not. This should help. I'll also take any help-your-kid-read tips you can give me.

MEANWHILE, back at the rabbit trail: Dang it! Bear is right again! He says the quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me I can't or not to do it. I am onery... I just looked it up. Onery means bad-tempered, combative and stubborn. I needs prayer because I know that can be so true! Have mercy!

Until such time as I defluff, I shall remain happy with what am I now and take better care of what I have been given. I'm fluffy, but like cotton candy, I'm sweet, colorful and most people are happy to see me around. Haaa haaa haaaa! Man, I amuse me! Heeheeee heee!