(awkward and awesome)

(awkward and awesome)
First Wive's Club...one of Ma's favorites

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I love me the K-Dramas!

Yes ma'am! I love it! I love it! I love it! Ever since the first episode of Playful Kiss (which is based of a Japanese manga or more involved graphic novel). See what happens when your husband is out working with the youth? See?! I was home alone, bored, and nothing else was on Hulu. Who knew how far down the rabbit hole I would go? Who knew? All I know is Koreans make some funny TV shows. I've only ventured into the romantic comedies, but I'm sure the serious ones are good too...anyways...

Why do I love K-Dramas? I don't see how you can't, but here are some reasons you might want to take in a bit of culture.

1) Koreans are so cute. I'm serious. Even the goofy ones. And they recycle the actors for various show (like Sci-Fi), so they're all about going green. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.

2) They are all about the unrequited love. The angst of liking someone who doesn't like you back. It's so Jane Austin. Love it! Now, I'm the first person to tell someone there is no need to moon over someone who is too dumb to know how awesome you are, but dang if it doesn't make for awesome tv.

3) Slapstick. I mean some funny slapstick. Funny!

4) Because Koreans aren't much for touching, there aren't insane make-out scenes. I recently saw a clip of a US show on Hulu.com where a teenage girl asked her friend why she didn't want someone she could scratch and sniff. (blank stare) Ew! I mean really. Didn't we get enough of those face sucking, hand wandering scenes walking the halls of high school? or the mall? or the movies? or anywhere in public that made them so cute and/or graphic that you wanted to vomit on their shoes...especially if her shoes are cuter then the ones you were wearing? Sorry...I spun out there for a second...I'll get back on the road...

5) You find that our culture is different from others. With a country as big as ours, we tend to forget that not every one out there acts they way we do. You'll learn something. Learning, despite what pop culture says, is good for you. Learning=good.

6) The music is good. Of course, I love me some boy band pop, so when it in Korean it's like all pumped up on diet Coke and Mentos. The end result is an awesome explosion. Now, understand, for Miss I-got-the-white-stuff here, this is true for any pop song in another language. I would dig a Polish pop song, if I could jam to it. After reading that back to myself, I'm not sure if that little fact makes me open-minded or sad. Let's go with open-minded for now.

7) The sound effects...are so...yeah...I mean...sigh...yeah. The sound effects...hhahahahahahaha!

8) The bad person isn't all bad. They have at least one redeeming quality. For my annoying optimism, it's a plus.

9) The writing is fabu! They wrap things up in about 16 episodes or so, and thus, you don't forget that you care how the story ends. But, man do they know how to add a line of crack in every cliff-hanging end! You can't just not watch the next episode! What's going to happen?! No!!! Hit the next button! Hit it or I'll kill you myself! It's crack you can afford...and laugh at.

10) There is always one character you want to kick in the head. This is usually the male lead, and the urge strikes about once every other episode...unless it's Buk Seung-Jo from Playful Kiss. I estimate about three urges to sucker punch him per episode. I'm sure it has to due with cultural differences. He could also be a douche. Just saying. Anyway, having someone you want to beat up on TV makes you want to watch it. That is just one reason we are at the top of the food chain. We are elevated beings.

K-Drama...I heart you. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You can check out more at www.dramafever.com. I encourage you to do so. That way I can justify my mania. Once again, it's all about me. Sweet.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

For what I give thanks...

For a lot of people, myself included, things are not ideal. Even so, there is so much to be thankful for. My cup usually stays half full, if not more so, at all times, so for all the pessimists out there...shut you cake hole and be happy for what you do have. To give you some ideas of what you might have to be thankful for, here are a few things I'm thankful for.
1) I have a home to live in.
2) I have food in the pantry.
3) I have a mom and dad who are still married and still love each other.
4) I have a sister who always has my back.
5) I have in-laws that might not always understand me, but they always welcome me.
6) I have friends who like me the way I am but will also kick my butt if needed.
7) I have healthy children.
8) I have a car that works.
9) I have a great dog and a purring cat.
10) I have a business that I can make as great as I want it to be.
11) I have THE most wonderful husband in the world, and this Sat., we celebrate 11 years of married bliss....well, mostly bliss.
12) I have the biggest and best God who is able to any and all things. I would have nothing if not for Him. I would be nothing.

If you have only one of these things you are blessed. I count myself most blessed. And I am grateful. If you are one of my many blessings, I thank you for allowing me to be apart of your life. I hope that I have made your life happy in some way.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Chapter Two...The Table

The Foyer is vanquished. On you travel....

What's this before you?! An elevated plane of wood arises. It's guarded by six guardians that lure prey by offering a place of rest, repose and refreshment. The plane of wood is draped in cloth lined protection. Bits of refuse little the ground around the feet of the guardians. Drips of things splattered and papers meant for the bettering of a child's education dot the top of the plane of wood...taunting...and waiting. Without waiting for the first strike, you attack! Wiping the drips and clutching at papers in deft, swift motions that almost defy gravity, you advance. Then, with your Wand of Bristles you round up all floor bound refuse, and after depositing it accordingly, you firmly put each of the guardians in their place. No need to fear here...the Table is yours!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Chapter One...The Foyer

Beginning at the beginning is always the first step.

So begins our journey at the gateway between the world within and the world without.

Just a humble frame blocked by wood, glass or both? To the novice perhaps, but not to the learned and aware. This gateway is marked by those that dwell within what lies beyond the gateway. A mat of welcome. A favored botanical. A small ceramic man with a red pointy hat and a jolly look on his face perhaps. A friendly place to explore? Maybe. But examine well as you wander further in. Notice such weapons as spades and forks of molded plastic topped with heads of hippos and monkeys littered within the dirt. Strange markings of colored dust adorn the path of rough, molded stone as if to warn those who might enter of what lies in wait. Is that the head of a pink and green striped mouse staring at you from a stair rail? If this be the gateway to where you dwell, continue on your quest if you dare...

The gateway opens. The World Within greets you with a test of agility before the gateway even closes. All around the gateway, little foot coverlings attack without relenting! Are you nimble enough to dance though your ankles try to bend? You realize all at once, they aren't attacking you, but they are in a frenzied dance themselves looking for their mate. You assist at once knowing it will be best for future gate travelers if you help the poor creatures in their search for love. You snatch at the foot creatures one by one until they are all two by two and placed together in neat row. The coverlings are now at peace, and so are you...until you look above...

A mess of garment dangle precariously above your head. It could all come crashing down on you at any moment. With the speed of the gazelle, you rally your strength and straighting yourself to your full height, you wage war on danger. Before long, ropes of woven yarn are lassoed around hooks along with head and hand coverings of the same artistry. Cloaks, coats and jackets are all arrested on their hooks, left safe for the next usage. All is well...until you look ahead...

A small table is straining to maintain uprightness for all the treasure it holds aloft! One could be buried alive if something is not done to stem the tide before all is lost. You leap into action! You lift a mighty mountain of postal offerings and sort it until its a manageable hill. With your ninja like moves, you erase all evidence of and domiciles of the Mite of Dust. Any small plaything of a small Dweller is banished, the looking glass is wiped of finger falls, the Dweller's family likeness is made straight, and all is made right...

Conquest made. The Foyer is yours!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Stay tuned for more...

I've been ill. I'm better now but my house is much worse for the wear. My husband claims to be the main cleaner of the home but I think that I can now prove otherwise. I know that most stay at home moms feel overwhelmed with keeping the house up even when at the top of their game. So I thought maybe it would be more exciting if they were living an epic journey rather then the day to day blah blah blah. So from now on ladies, you are no longer cleaning house, you are a warrior of order battling the onslaught of disarray and surge of soiled playthings.

The Epic Struggle Begins with Chapter One....The Foyer.

p.s. I did try to have an image to go with this but apparently artists can only envision warrior women in the barest of garments. As if that's practical for battle...true story, a man in full battle armor will be standing next to a woman wearing a washcloth tied with string. Riiiight. Anyways...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

"You're still in the running....

I have to say, that I love America's Next Top Model because it really does bring out the artistry in the profession. Plus, some of the girls are awesome and some are crazy. Makes for a good 45 minutes of TV time. Tyra's nuts so that helps too. I love her...we could so hang out. The last few episodes, however, have me going...what? The eliminated girls are crying, and for good reason. Rejection always hurts. But they were saying that they didn't know what they were going to do now and they were never going to get over losing ANTM. I know it's a big deal to win because of all the benefits you get and the jumpstart to your career, but never get over it? There was a 13 to 1 chance that they were going to lose. Everyone comes in on the same footing. Everyone has the same chance to win or lose. The idea that they were never going to get over this one, albeit big, disappointment has me rankled. Losing at one thing doesn't mean you can't make it. It also has me thinking. Am I that easily dissuaded? Are there things, albeit big, I have yet to get over and that are holding me back? I know that you don't win them all, but am I clinging to losses that keep me from winning? I'm gonna have to pray about that. Are you clinging and not letting go? Something to think about...we can't all be America's Next Top Model, but we don't have stay out of the race. Just because we might lose doesn't mean we shouldn't get out there and run. We can move on. I have goals. I'm still in the running...

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Back Breaking Straw...

What is it? When is it? Just what does that straw look like? What makes someone say, "Forget it! I'm just done." It's something I've been thinking a lot about lately. Just what makes someone give up. And why do people sometimes cling to these little things that seem so insignificant, thus making it impossible for them to quit? I have been asking of God. I just needed something to cling to this Saturday. He answered, and just like Himself, not in the way I was looking for answers. Eric found a cross made out of craft sticks in front of our mail box. On it is written Mile #9,777. Attached to it is a the story of Carol Cruise (check it out www.faithwalk.net) who is a right leg amputee. She is almost done walking the perimeter of the US, literally around the US, praying for our country, and speaking to differently-abled to encourage them to focus on their God given abilities. I'm supposed to pass the cross on and tell people that God loves them. I'm doing that electronically because I need to hold on to that cross right now. It might seem like happen-stance that Eric found this cross, but I think not. Breaking it down: Eric found a cross that was just happened to be placed in front of our mailbox by a woman who believes in the power of prayer so she is walking around the US on one leg and tell people that God loves them. She started in Miami, so my house, when walking the perimeter of the US in 9,777 miles away on Bliss Way. Maybe it's that crazy small thing that I'm clinging to, but it's also a promise from my Heavenly Father: If I do my best with what I'm given, sharing the hope and love of Jesus as I go, He will bless my steps no matter how they may falter. There might be a lot of straw on this camel, but my back isn't broke yet...I will carry on. Oh, and by the way: God really, really loves you!

Monday, October 4, 2010

A little soap box action for all my single buddies...

It's not like it's not hard enough just living in this world. That double negative is proof positive that we need to lay off our single friends. What do I mean by this? Let's quit playing match maker, and let people be. Talk about drama...how many movies and books have been written about the the perils of such things? The difference is there is usually a happy ending in the wings of entertainment, and real life is just awash with awkward small talk.

"Really? You're passionate about the breeding of Cha-Weenies. No kidding."
"No, I agree. No pulp should actually mean no pulp. You are so right to be upset."
"You live with your mom AND your grandma....how sweet."

I mean really. As if society doesn't make it hard enough. Every pot has to have it's lid. Everyone needs a hand to hold. You don't have one? Let's see what makes you such a freak of nature and try to sell you every single thing you don't really need to get you a lid! Yeah! Oh joy.
Think about it. Maybe God has kept this person single for His own good purposes. Maybe it's just not time yet. Maybe we think that we know better then God. "But they'd be perfect together!" And why is that? Are they the last two unmarried people that age attending your church? They both love the movie Clue but hate the game Clue? What is the magic formula that makes people perfect for each other? And is it any of our business?

I could get on this soap box about a lot of things: when are you having kids? when are you having another kid? when are you getting married? when are you gonna stop having kids? how are you saving for the future? why don't you Larry the Mole...he as a great job and I'm sure it's removable? Really? Do we need to put that kind of pressure on people who just may in turn, look to God and say, "Yeah, why aren't You moving faster? When are You going to give me the love of my life? Do I really have to settle for Larry the Mole? Is it removable?" Are we causing our friends, as unintentional as it may be, to sin and demand of God instead of wait on Him? Are we telling God we know better than He does by setting up a match that was never meant to be?

Bottom line: if you have a single friend, and you know that it's their heart's desire to marry just pray. Be a shoulder and an ear, but shut the mouth! Let God do His thing. Maybe their lid is just around the corner. Maybe they're meant to be single. Just leave them alone, and be their friend. Love them and give them hope by letting "the perfect one for them" do the work. God is the best match maker there is.

And off the box I go...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"This is my mop"

"My friend George gave me this mop." Well, maybe they didn't give me a mop but they have given me encouragement, love and at times giggles at a funeral. Thank you very much, to all my friends across the US and the world. I wouldn't be where I am today without you. You make me feel like the world's best janitor and tv star. It's been slow, and I've hit some speed bumps and had a few blow outs, but I'm gonna make it. God is for me, so no one can be against me. He wants me to win, and so I will. I am Noah's snail. I'll get there. Hide and watch.
Well, hmm. You ever just have this "This is what I'm gonna do!" moment, and some one with a big ol' pin just jabs it in your balloon? I'm not saying that being realistic is bad, but some times it's not what's needed. Okay so maybe you won't make your crazy goal. That being said it's easier to say why bother if no on thinks you can. Well, I say hide and watch. My goal is crazy and not realistic. I know that. I don't care. I'm going for it because I can. Why not? I've nothing to lose and everything to gain. I've not lost my muchness, and I do slay.

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Sky....is Falling....

Okay, it's not, but you ever wake up feeling like that for no reason at all? Man, it's like really? Are we doing this today? I have things to do. On list is laundry, changing kitty litter and washing the miles of marker off my kid. If the sky is gonna fall, it needs to get on with it because I ain't got time for nonsense today. I have training and a show to get ready for. I have a craft show and Angel food pick up tomorrow. I have to look cute while doing all of it, so start falling if you're gonna! Really? Bring it baby! Let's do this! I'm out!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Annalina Elizabeth Sunshine

My last born who can somehow manage to get food in her eyebrows. It's a talent.

When I found out I was prego again, I was all...what the farkle? I don't think I can do this. I decided I would be happy about it even though I wasn't so sure I could manage.

With the help of the Good Lord, I have managed, and she is nothing but giggles and sunshine with a dash of attitude thrown in. Like her sisters, she's done nothing but bless our lives and challenge us to be better parents and people.

Annalina means "Gracious Light"...just like the sunshine she is...my little giggle box princess.

Three girls in three different flavors all from the same store. They are made of sugar and spice, but no one ever told me about the howler monkey in the mix. I am a lucky woman, and I don't forget it.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

My Cahira Michelle Bear

Oh my pretty little scrappy scrapper. I'm telling you this child is kin to Scrappy Doo. She's one tough cookie. Ask any of her teachers right now. I think I've had one good day note all year.


Little Miss doesn't do well with change. Like her elder sister, she too, suffers from speech delay but in a different form...we can suffer from it at times too. I know that she understands except when I don't. Really, if you've ever dealt with speech delay you know exactly what I mean.

So, my little scrappy princess isn't adjusting as well as I'd hoped. I know that she's sweet and funny, but that's not the side she's showing. She's showing her claws...literally. Scratching teachers...are you kidding me?! Mamma no like. To know this little girl, is to love her. Be praying for her and her attitude. I dare not ask for patience because I know what will happen then.

My little Cahira Michelle...warrior, who is like God? And God knows how much I love her and need His grace to deal with her.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My Ella Wynne Angel..

Did you know that I cry if I see a Baby Huey cartoon? I hate....HATE that cartoon. Put that in your pocket for right now....

My first born. She's a 9-11 baby. Her name means Pure Friend, and that is all she wants to be. Until I had kids, I forgot about the drama of being one. I had forgotten on purpose I'm sure because although I believe I had a very good childhood, some of it just sucked.

First of all, I was tall. Being a tall girl isn't for sissys. You're made fun of by everyone including adults and teachers. You're expected to behave beyond your maturity. You're hit on by older guys and you don't know what they are talking about. Kids your age are afraid of you, and their parents think you're the bully. Kids older than you make fun of you. It's lonely at the top. When all you want to do is fit in, you stand out just by standing up.

Then, I moved every 3 years, so every friend I had was lost. Ella doesn't have this problem. Hers is one of communication. Years of failed attempts have left her painfully shy and scared. She so wants friends, but she's terrified to ask. I see so much of me in her. It's heart breaking. The day she asked me why God made her different was cutting as memories of childhood insecurities came clawing back to recollection. I so didn't want that for her.

One thing Ella is very smart. I'm not NOT smart, but there are some learning issues with me. Math is very hard. So is keeping words and thoughts from jumping around in my head. Though the words might not come as clearly, Ella's head is on real straight. Mine not so much. I was called an Airhead so many times that I used it as a shield. You can't be mad at me if I'm stupid and don't understand you. I'll just be happy and smile, and you'll roll your eyes and say..."Airhead." and it's over.

Not only is she crazy smart, but Ella is one of the sweetest spirits I've ever met. She loves babies, and like her Auntie Fawn, would mother a rock if thought it would help it grow. She is generous and giving. Yes, bossy at times, but she loves people despite being hurt. She just wants a buddy.

I hate Baby Huey because I felt like that is what everyone thought I was. I hate it more now because it seems that is how people see my Ella. Big, dumb, happy and unaware of how destructive and stupid she really is but NOT SO!! She understands what people are thinking...she can read a face and a heart better than you can read a book. She is NOT stupid or unaware. She KNOWS if you think she's less than. Don't try to snow her...it will just make her do something out of spite. Seeing her pain hurts so much more than anything from childhood. I'd take it all for her if I could.

Really big sigh

Every night Ella prays for a friend who really likes her. If you wouldn't mind, please join her in that prayer.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Who am I.....24601?

In Mystery Men, Mr. Furious is thrown into a tale spin when he can't come up with a fake persona for a girl he likes. She says, "Just be Roy."

"Who is Roy? Roy is who?" he ponders.

Don't we all?

Lately, I've been thinking about who is Jen? Jen is who? You see, with my youngest about to go off to school, I'm not going to be the same mom I used to be. If I'm not an all day mom, then who am I? I still will be an all day Mom just on call, not so much on duty. It's just got me thinking.....

On a Friday night, I went from being Eric's girlfriend to his fiancee`. On a Saturday afternoon, I went from being his fiancee` to being his wife. I had spent 22 years becoming Jennifer Anne Cochran. I wasn't sure how to be Jennifer Anne Easley. It all changed in a day. One day.

One Monday in 2002, I went from being a married woman to being a first time mother. Being partially responsible for a grown man was hard enough. Being completely responsible to make sure something lives, gets love and will one day stand before God as He asks what did I do with the gift He gave me was paralyzing. So paralyzing I did it 2 more times. Why not? Who was I then? People stopped calling me by my name. I was Eric's wife, Ella's mom, Cahira's mom or Lili's mom....not Jen. It's hard not having a name, and very easy to forget who you are. It's very easy to slip into the identity of just Mom or just Wife, but that's not life more abundantly.

One of my favorite plays is Les Miserables. I love the music and message. I saw it in London, and I cried the entire second act. Amazing. In Les Mis, Jean Val Jean was defined as a number...24601. He's a thief out on parole. No one would see him as anything but a number and a thief except one man. Jean Val Jean defied what everyone thought that because someone told him God thought he was better than that. He could have let his tragedy take over his life and be nothing but a thief, but God restores what the canker worm has stolen.

I am Eric's wife. I am mother to Ella, Cahira, and Annalina. I am twin sister of Shannon Michelle and daughter of Gene and Karen Cochran. I am a jeweler and leader for Premier Designs, Inc. I lived my childhood as an Army Brat. My best friends are Kalli, Lizz, Liz, Fawn and Vicky. I attend and serve at Harvest at the Rave in Pensacola, FL. I live in East Milton. I AM all those things, but no matter what happens who I REALLY am is Jen, daughter of the most High God, King of Kings. That makes me sister to Jesus and everyone who calls on His name. My family is huge and has no color or language barrier. He has given the commandment to save me, and He does as He says. My trust is in the Great I AM. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He provides for all my needs and the needs of my family. As His kid, I can go boldly before the throne and ask for any and all desires and knowing that answer will sometimes be "No." Still, I am heard. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am healed. I am made perfect in His love. Not one thing in Heaven and Earth can seperate me from the love of Jesus Christ. No weapon formed against me will stand.

Who am I?

I am Jen, Warrior Princess who has come to proclaim the Good news, to heal the broken hearted and to set the captives free. I am dressed for battle in the Armor of God, and I go with His blessing where He leads. I come in peace, but I am prepared to make war against the armies of darkness. I might be under the arm of a hot guy, dripping with little girls and fabulous jewelry, but always remember that I have not lost my muchness...and I do slay.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Have you ever noticed that it's really the little things that create the most drama? I think that it's because it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's just the no-that-did-not-just-happen moment that makes you want to go all Tommy Boy and "jerk the wheel into a $%#$%#$ bridge!" Now, that's bad. Just for your amusement because I find it funny too, here are the bits of life that draw the drama around here.

Me: Okay, time for bath
The Collective: NOOOOO!!! But, but, but....(add weeping and nashing of teeth here)

Me: We're having spaghetti for dinner.
Pick a kid: NOOOOO! We always have that! It's not okay! I want (fill in a random food item)! You never let me eat (random food item)! Never! (add wail)

Me: You have to hold my hand crossing the street.
Youngest: No! No! No! (goes boneless) No! NO0000000! (add wailing and possible kicking)

Me: We're out of (random food item)
The collective: (a scene of a group of people who are about to experience Doomsday errupts)

Me: Oh! Sorry! Don't stop in front of Mommy! Are you okay? I didn't mean to knock you over
Pick a Kid: (look of utter betrayal) Mommy! (whimper plus lip quiver) You HURT me! (big sigh followed by wail) YOU....hurt....MEEEEEEEEEEE! (and crying)
Me: Dude, sorry! Are you okay?
Pick a Kid: (sniff) Yes, Mommy. (dramatic pause) I forgive you.

Me: Sorry kid. It's bed time. You have to stay in bed whether you like it or not. Sorry about your luck.
Middle Child: No!
Me: Yes.
Middle Child: No!
Me: Yeah, I'm not arguing with you. I win. Bed time.
Middle Child: (lots of tears with outstretched arms) Sorry Mommy! Huggy!
(Yeah, this one really is pitiful. She's usually beyond tired when this happens.)

Me: Okay, time to pick up toys.
The collective: No! No! Do I have to? But why? (all at one point will flop on the ground like a dying fish)

And my favorite:

Me: You can't watch that show. It's not okay for your brain.
Oldest: But I'm a big eight year old!
Me: True, but this show is for grown-ups and you have 10 years before that happens.
Oldest: (wide eyed with disbelief) 10 ...years! Are you kidding me?!
Me: Not really.
Oldest: I want to watch it! (voice gets louder as sentence progresses)
Me: Understood and noted. Remember, however, that I am the boss. The boss says pick a different show or lose your tv time. You choose.
Oldest: I want to be the boss! When I'm grown up, I will be the boss and watch whatever I want! Hmmph! (picks a show she can watch)
Me: That's much better.
Oldest: Yeah. That other show was scary.

I mean really, why get cable? I get all the Lifetime and A&E I can handle for free with best leading ladies in the biz!

And cut!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Rotary cutters...ow

So I've finally cut myself with my rotary cutter. To be more specific, I sliced off a bit of the tip of my finger. You know what? That hurts. I also figured out why 3 year olds don't cry over their injuries until they see the look on the parents face. The look on Eric's face when he saw my finger and then the piece of skin on the rotary cutter...and then I burst into tears. Certain faces make you think it's all over...that's it...over. The drama here is all the things you're scared of as a kid, you're still a bit scared of as a grown up. Stitches, blood, looking weird, pain...it's all still there waiting for a rotary cutter to let it out. And when it's free, it is free indeed.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

There Goes My Baby

I guess she really isn't a "baby" anymore. Still a toddler, but her baby face is gone, and soon, like her sisters, she'll look like a little girl. She loves the color orange-red. She likes to pretend she's a monster and then tickle you. She has one of the three best laughs I've ever heard. She's three, on the tall side of normal, and a little ball of sunshine.

Lili just might be starting school next week. I was sad when Ella left, but I knew there would be siblings after her. Lili is my last born. I might have other children, but babies...no. I used to be ashamed to say it, but I no longer am. Babies, that live with me, are hard. We might adopt more, but God is going to have sky write it if I'm to have more. I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to put her on a bus for the day. I'm not ready to not be there to kiss her boo boos, which she'll get because the force of gravity seems to work really hard on my girls. I'm not ready to be alone.

I do, however, know that I want her to be the best she can be, and if she too needs some help, then she does. Whether I like it or not. Which I don't.

I'm very sad tonight. The song has never been more true...they really do slip through your fingers all the time....

Friday, August 27, 2010

Sing it! What I Like About You....

I know I said it's the little things that keep love going. It's the same in friendships. So my friends, here some of the little things I like about you.

Lizz: Double Z madness....all we need now is a crowd and get them all to sing "Shout!"

Kalli: What can I say? You know too much so you'll always be my friend.

Lorna: It's always like there's never any time lapse and we just pick up where we left off.

Fawn: It took some translation, but you're so one of the besties for life!

Hillary: seriously cross-stitching while watching movies just isn't the same with out you quoting the movie with me.

Gwenda: Did you start singing what I Like About You? I know you did....

Liz: I mean really could you be any more fun? I don't think so 98% sanguine..

Eric: you're hot, and I appreciate that every morning I don't have to lie about you looking good. Keep up, Sir Hottie!

Vicky: I love that you feel most relaxed in swirl of color.

Leah: I love that your sea of beiges makes you feel most at home.

Lori: We so can't sit together without having to be separated. I love that.

Kimmee: It ain't good if it ain't got butter and sugar....word

Beckey: Go get them kitties!

Sarah: Just how many vortexes full of items are you hiding in your closets?

Brianna: Love our late night chats!

Sandi: The sass breaks all Baptist boundries..love it!

If you didn't see you on here, this is just what I thought up in the 10 minutes before the bus gets here. Feel free to add to the list as long as you're gonna play nice.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Love Spelled out in Blue M&Ms

You know that we all have our weird. Here's one of mine. I don't like blue food. It makes me think of moldy food. I don't want to eat it. I do eat blueberries, but that is a natural blue. Instead of making fun of me, my wonderful husband of almost 11 years shows me he thinks of me by only handing me bags of M&M's with all the blue ones removed. It's bad enough that they are blue, but the also replaced the tan ones. I loved the tan ones.
It's the little things people fall in love with. You both laugh at "Is there a Marine Biologist in the house?". You love the way they smirk when reading the comics. You can both burp on command. You both would rather swim in a lake than a pool.
Sometimes it's the little things that break you up. They never did try to find out how you take your coffee. They made a face when you talked in funny accent even when it was funny. They never thought you looked nice enough. They thought Seinfield wasn't really that funny.
What is really cool is when the person you love loves you through your weird. That's what makes an open bag of M&Ms sans the blue ones so special. He doesn't lecture me on my aversion. He doesn't make fun of me about it in front of others. He just says, "Okay, no blue food for you." He smiles and keeps loving me.
Some say love with diamonds, some with wine, but only the best of men can woo with blue M&Ms and a smile.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

It sure is hard to pull of sexy drippin' with sweat

Not that I'm trying to pull off sexy because it just comes so natural, but dripping with sweat does block the sexy rays. I mean d-r-i-p-p-i-n-g. Splish splosh. I try to be adult about it, but yeah, it's not working. I'm trying not yell at children, but the "Please stop that." increases in volume from my brain to my mouth. I have to write lists with things to do because I'm forgetting things like turn on the stove burner to make rice. I didn't realize how difficult it is to function when you're uncomfortable. Granted, the hot summer isn't helping, but really, laundry shouldn't be a matter of rocket science. How does one fold towels? I think my brain might be melting in parts and that's what the problem is. Melting brains also take away the sexy. True story. I will say this, I do have dear friends who are helping us out as much as they can, and for that, I am truly thankful. I'm thankful for a lot of things like the ability to rant out my sweatiness on this blog...and leaving sweaty arm marks as I do it. Not sexy. I'm waiting for God to do amazing things, and I'm really trying in faith to believe that He will do them for me, not just other people. The heat makes you grouchy, not as productive, trying hard to find the humor and really anti-social. I can't remember feeling this way before, but I don't think I've been this hot before. I don't think I've had to be the one in charge when this hot either. Letting children go all Lord of the Flies super not sexy though a really tempting choice. Keep cool for me people, and keep praying for me too.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Holy Hot Mamas, Batman!

Dude. It's hot. I mean really, really hot. And you can't NOT do things like laundry, dishes, phone calls, basic cleaning, etc. I just want to NOT move, but that's not really an option. Come on, Fall! Let's move it, move it! If no AC can't get me to make phone calls, I don't think anything will.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I love it! I love it! I love it!


I really, really do. Good thing I sell it! Starting up my 3rd year selling Premier Design jewelry has really been like a do over year. Things have been rough, but I really love my job. I really enjoy my business. I'm getting samples for my table, and I just want everything! As I was putting the order in all I could think about was how jewelry makes me feel. Not pretty. Not special. Not fabulous.


Jewelry makes me feel worthy. I'm worthy of nice things. I'm worthy of taking good care of myself. I'm worthy to have nice, clean house with nice, clean kids inside. I'm worthy of having a smokin' hot husband which admittedly is a bonus for me. It's not just a pair of earrings or a necklace. It's a symbol that I'm worthy of adornment.

I want to help other women feel that way, so I sell it. I hope I'm selling more than bracelets though. My goal is for people to feel like there is at least one person on this planet who was happy to see them today, and that I was that person. I love when I see someone I don't know doing something really cool, so I can tell them how cool they just were. I love encouraging people, and I love telling little girls how pretty they are and that their heads are chock full of smart. I hope with every bit of bling people buy they feel that worthiness.

I know that might sound all wow-they-have-a-pill-for-that, but it's really the truth. I work for and with a stellar company that loves people and is out there trying to make the world a better place. Every piece of jewelry I sell helps get girl in Africa out of slavery, or helps a kid who's dad is on death row that they have more of a future than that, or preaches to the soccer superstars of South and Central America who thousands of kids want to be like.

Maybe it sounds crazy. Maybe it is crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. If so, I'm also worthy...and looking really, really good.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Stop the madness!

It's official. School needs to start because the kids are losing their minds. They don't want to be around me, and right now, I don't want to be around them. They are fussy, crying for no reason, hitting because they can little kids that are driving me to drink. Fortunately, alcohol isn't in the budget, but I'm not above pretending that I'm drinking at this point. (Really big sigh) I know that it's tough to be a kid right when summer's over. I just didn't realize how tough it was to be the mom and the one who has to be the grown up in the madness. I really do what to yell, "Oh yeah? Well, if you're gonna fight over the same toy, you're not invited to my birthday party!" I'm pretty sure that isn't going to solve anything. I think we've just seen too much of each other. We all need a break, and some I-sure-do-miss-you time. 4 days and counting.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

that was a bad day

True to form, when I had no energy to write a title, I was in a bad place. You know what? God meet me there. He didn't answer all my questions, but I got enough to keep walking forward. I am not forgotten. I am not alone. I may feel that way, but it's not true. What is true is I've been up way too long trying figure out how to put a play list on my blog. Nice.

It's my stapler.


Yup, just like in the Cat in the Hat, I've been fired from my blogging job at the good ol' PNJ. That leaves time for more drama here. Here's the deal. An e-mail, that I admit I missed, was sent to me in April that my services were no longer required. As it is now the middle of August, I can't help but wonder, did they think I was doing the job for free? I'm sending in my post list, not that my admin ever got it. It always got lost somehow in the nethers of time and space after clicking send. I always had to send my post at least twice. So three months later, I say, "Hey, am I gonna get paid?" And, yeah, no. No I'm not. Of course, the hope is that I'll continue to post on this site. Really? And I would do this because? I mean really. Now, I have met some wonderful ladies. And I like them a lot, but I must admit to being soured by the experience. Sour doesn't mean bitter, and I'm not gonna let it happen. Still, really? Three months of work, and you don't even send another e-mail saying, "You know you're fired, right?" Is this the Office Space sequel? Where's my red stapler? I mean really!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

no energy for a title

Ever been in that place where you can do no right? Nothing you do seems to matter. You're doing all the wrong things with your time it seems. Others are succeeding and doing well, while you just aren't. Work just isn't going anywhere. You ask God where to go and it seems as if you're just chasing your tail. Circles. Vicious circles are the only corners you turn. Am I stuck in the Waiting Place? I just want to know which way to go, who to talk to, which friends are the real ones and why business is pathetic. Am I in a time of trial? If I am not forsaken, I sure as hell feel forgotten. Did I step out of God's will without realizing it and now I'm lost? I feel lost...forgotten...alone...useless. My only task, if I can do it right, is to clean the house today because I have nothing left. I'm all out...of everything. People keep telling me the joy of Lord is my strength well....WHERE THE HELL IS IT?! No joy in stock...all gone. I don't know where the furtile soil is...I can't find it....I can't find it...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

It's not me, It's you

Have you ever realized that someone is not going to be your friend? Have you ever just looked at the situation, and realized that, even though you've reached out to someone, they aren't reaching back? It's not that you had a falling out, or even that you never got along. You get along with this person. They are great people. They just don't seem to want to build a friendship with you. Maybe it's because they don't have any more time or room in their lives for more friends. Maybe they don't think as much of you as you think of them. I don't know. I do know that when you make this realization, it stings. Not a lot if you don't have too many rejection issues, but just enough to make you evaluate who you're investing in. I was spinning my wheels trying get this friendship going that isn't going anywhere. Relationships really ARE a two way street. I still plan on being friendly to this person because I really do like them. They just don't seem to find me worth their time. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes it stings. Sometimes we just have to build where we see progress and someone else with a hammer.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

and the tears turn to what?

So the baby has not been lost. The water has been broken for 2 weeks and the baby lives! Our God is truly one of miracles and mercy. We continue to pray that the lives, grows and is born in complete health and fullness. It is possible because our God is big. Our God is good. Our God is God, and He can do all things, any thing, every where at all times. How Great is our God!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

And the Comedy Turns to Tears

A friend of mine has lost her second baby in as many years. I'm very sad. I have no idea how to comfort her, or if she even whats to be comforted. I'm not sure I'd want to be. What can make it better? She's lost something that cannot be replaced. A part of herself and a part her husband are lost forever. My prayers go out to her and her family. Please do the same.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Jeff Corwin Needs to Come Over for Dinner

"Is that what I think it is?" says my husband with really big eyes.

Half way across the road is a snake. We stop the car. It's beautiful, about 3 feet long, and suddenly I'm thinking of shoes. I'm thinking, what's the big deal? It's a Corn snake. They eat mice. Moving on. The snake stops, and starts to slither backwards. It was saying, "Oh, my bad. Y'all keep driving. I'm just gonna not get run over and go back this way."

"Jen, that was a rattle snake."
"It was not."
"It was too."

Oh. Now it's on. The Goggle is fired up, and the video evidence found proves the person who was right is: Eric. Oh yeah, not a mile from the house lives a Western Diamondback Rattle Snake. Not only are they highly venomous, but they are also endangered. Bonus! Something that can kill me and my kids that I can't legally kill! Plus, Eric was right, and I was wrong...double dang it!

I had to give it over to God because I lay awake most of the night fretting about that snake and all the various Armageddon style movie plot ways the snake could attack my family. It went in the opposite direction of my house, but it's out there.

So, Jeff, when you have a little time off, bring the family down. We'll grill, have some laughs, and you can bag that snake.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

So it's the first day of summer vaca..

Can't you just feel the excitement? I know I will be soon...My eldest (we'll call her Freckles) is all about doing something every day....EVERY....DAY. Now as much as I'd like to do that, I've got chores to do that still after all this time, refuse to do themselves. The drama here is what happens when we're not going anywhere. Oh there is weeping and nashing of teeth my friends, and I have a front row ticket. I have taught her the art of Drama Ninja well.