My Ella Wynne Angel..

Did you know that I cry if I see a Baby Huey cartoon? I hate....HATE that cartoon. Put that in your pocket for right now....

My first born. She's a 9-11 baby. Her name means Pure Friend, and that is all she wants to be. Until I had kids, I forgot about the drama of being one. I had forgotten on purpose I'm sure because although I believe I had a very good childhood, some of it just sucked.

First of all, I was tall. Being a tall girl isn't for sissys. You're made fun of by everyone including adults and teachers. You're expected to behave beyond your maturity. You're hit on by older guys and you don't know what they are talking about. Kids your age are afraid of you, and their parents think you're the bully. Kids older than you make fun of you. It's lonely at the top. When all you want to do is fit in, you stand out just by standing up.

Then, I moved every 3 years, so every friend I had was lost. Ella doesn't have this problem. Hers is one of communication. Years of failed attempts have left her painfully shy and scared. She so wants friends, but she's terrified to ask. I see so much of me in her. It's heart breaking. The day she asked me why God made her different was cutting as memories of childhood insecurities came clawing back to recollection. I so didn't want that for her.

One thing Ella is very smart. I'm not NOT smart, but there are some learning issues with me. Math is very hard. So is keeping words and thoughts from jumping around in my head. Though the words might not come as clearly, Ella's head is on real straight. Mine not so much. I was called an Airhead so many times that I used it as a shield. You can't be mad at me if I'm stupid and don't understand you. I'll just be happy and smile, and you'll roll your eyes and say..."Airhead." and it's over.

Not only is she crazy smart, but Ella is one of the sweetest spirits I've ever met. She loves babies, and like her Auntie Fawn, would mother a rock if thought it would help it grow. She is generous and giving. Yes, bossy at times, but she loves people despite being hurt. She just wants a buddy.

I hate Baby Huey because I felt like that is what everyone thought I was. I hate it more now because it seems that is how people see my Ella. Big, dumb, happy and unaware of how destructive and stupid she really is but NOT SO!! She understands what people are thinking...she can read a face and a heart better than you can read a book. She is NOT stupid or unaware. She KNOWS if you think she's less than. Don't try to snow her...it will just make her do something out of spite. Seeing her pain hurts so much more than anything from childhood. I'd take it all for her if I could.

Really big sigh

Every night Ella prays for a friend who really likes her. If you wouldn't mind, please join her in that prayer.