And...action!

Have you ever noticed that it's really the little things that create the most drama? I think that it's because it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's just the no-that-did-not-just-happen moment that makes you want to go all Tommy Boy and "jerk the wheel into a $%#$%#$ bridge!" Now, that's bad. Just for your amusement because I find it funny too, here are the bits of life that draw the drama around here.

Me: Okay, time for bath

The Collective: NOOOOO!!! But, but, but....(add weeping and nashing of teeth here)

Me: We're having spaghetti for dinner.

Pick a kid: NOOOOO! We always have that! It's not okay! I want (fill in a random food item)! You never let me eat (random food item)! Never! (add wail)

Me: You have to hold my hand crossing the street.

Youngest: No! No! No! (goes boneless) No! NO0000000! (add wailing and possible kicking)

Me: We're out of (random food item)

The collective: (a scene of a group of people who are about to experience Doomsday errupts)

Me: Oh! Sorry! Don't stop in front of Mommy! Are you okay? I didn't mean to knock you over

Pick a Kid: (look of utter betrayal) Mommy! (whimper plus lip quiver) You HURT me! (big sigh followed by wail) YOU....hurt....MEEEEEEEEEEE! (and crying)

Me: Dude, sorry! Are you okay?

Pick a Kid: (sniff) Yes, Mommy. (dramatic pause) I forgive you.

Me: Sorry kid. It's bed time. You have to stay in bed whether you like it or not. Sorry about your luck.

Middle Child: No!

Me: Yes.

Middle Child: No!

Me: Yeah, I'm not arguing with you. I win. Bed time.

Middle Child: (lots of tears with outstretched arms) Sorry Mommy! Huggy!

(Yeah, this one really is pitiful. She's usually beyond tired when this happens.)

Me: Okay, time to pick up toys.

The collective: No! No! Do I have to? But why? (all at one point will flop on the ground like a dying fish)

And my favorite:

Me: You can't watch that show. It's not okay for your brain.

Oldest: But I'm a big eight year old!

Me: True, but this show is for grown-ups and you have 10 years before that happens.

Oldest: (wide eyed with disbelief) 10 ...years! Are you kidding me?!

Me: Not really.

Oldest: I want to watch it! (voice gets louder as sentence progresses)

Me: Understood and noted. Remember, however, that I am the boss. The boss says pick a different show or lose your tv time. You choose.

Oldest: I want to be the boss! When I'm grown up, I will be the boss and watch whatever I want! Hmmph! (picks a show she can watch)

Me: That's much better.

Oldest: Yeah. That other show was scary.

I mean really, why get cable? I get all the Lifetime and A&E I can handle for free with best leading ladies in the biz!

And cut!