You know, when you're just minding your own, and some one tells you about this great get together they had with a bunch of mutual friends...the get together you knew nothing about. Now, you are a grown person. You know that you will not be able to go to every event. You know you won't be invited to every event. You know that people can't always invite you to every event for various reasons. You know that you can't make people invite you even if you want to go to the event. You are usually quite adult about it, and carry on with your life in a rather grown up fashion despite the fact you still chew up food before sticking your tongue out at your sister.
But not today. Today, Poof! The Specter of Middle School has appeared right behind you. Why he chose today, who knows? All you know, is that right now you feel like you did in middle school. Just not cool enough. Just a little too awkward and geektastic to be invited. Your feelings are hurt, and you feel rejected and very much left out.
Now, on top of all this you're feeling foolish because Grown Up You is fighting with this blast from the past, telling it all the reasons why it doesn't matter that you weren't there. In the end, all the Specter can say, with sad and honest eyes, is "It matters because it does."
Boom. There it is. It matters because in that moment, for whatever reason, you are not your adult self. You're that middle school kid trying to figure out where you belong and what you're all about. It simply matters because it does.
I'm sure to regain my footing as Grown Up Jen by lunch time. Until then, Middle School Jen will be at war with Grown Up Jen. Middle School Jen will contend that if only she were smaller, quieter, prettier, funnier,thinner, add an -er to everything maybe she would be invited too. Grown Up Jen maintains her position that anyone who want her to be more than she already is can suck it. They lost out, not her, and if they are too stupid to want her jar of awesome sauce at their party, they just don't know what's good.
In the end, the reason this Specter pops up is that everyone wants to feel sought after. We want you to hang out with us. No one wants to be left out, or, even worse, have to invite themselves. This is why people make an anthem of songs like "Raise Your Glass" by Pink. People don't like us so screw them; we'll be awesome by ourselves...that's the basic message. Grown Up Jen is definitely on the rally because she thinks that's a bit dramatic, and she would know.
Sigh. If your Middle School Specter is haunting you today, know that this too shall pass. Remember that the King of Kings has an open invitation for you any time, any day. Also remember that around my way, as long as you are kind and respectful, you are always welcome. You are always invited.
Unless you're a vampire...I've seen the Lost Boys...I know things...