Not a Lot of Moms Will Admit This....

Here's the deal. I love my kids. I want them. I am blessed to have them and to know them. I wouldn't want them to change...okay, I do want them to whine less and pick up more but you get my meaning. My girls are truly the best thing I've ever done, and for all my Jesus freakies out there, I do know God did most of the work there.

With all that being said, I don't always like them. They annoy me. They are hard to live with because they always drain me, but rarely to they fill me back in. They are stubborn. They can be conniving. I'm sure if given enough time, paper clips and chewing gum, they could find a way to take over the world so that they would never have to go to bed on a school night. I'm also quite certain that some of the sounds they make when screaming, if recorded, would be used as torture devices. Being a mom to these girls is hard.

Understand also that I am NOT saying that my motherhood life is harder than any other mother. In fact, the only moms who truly have it harder than any other are those whose children are terminally ill or whose children's minds will never grow out of a child-like state. My struggles are just different.

I did want to be a mom. Like many things in life, they didn't come out the way I had planned. My eldest had speech delays and she is very tall. I got a lot of Baby Huey comments. It's not funny. I will beat you and pray for your healing. Yes, it's a sore spot. My second born has autistic tendencies. What? My third is in speech classes for copying the communication patterns of her sisters. Are you kidding me? I'm a communications major! I taught pre-school, and I can't teach my own kids how to talk? I'm in constant meetings with teachers, speech pathologists, and psychobabble people. I am always in translation mode: do they understand or are they playing the game? 2+2 isn't 2, work with me! I KNOW you know this, prove it!

I didn't sign up for this....oh, wait....yes, I did. I just didn't get what I thought I was signing up for. My challenges are no harder than yours; they are different. Single moms have different challenges. Only child moms, the same. Military moms, moms of multiples, the list continues. Motherhood isn't always fun and happy. It's hard and brutal and painful and little gratitude for your work comes your way during the battles.

But I do fight when I'm tired. I do breath deeply when I want scream. I will NOT give up on my daughters because I believe they will live a very happy and blessed life if I don't. I will deal with what I've been given with prayer and love. I'm not always happy, but I always have the Joy of the Lord and the knowledge that He thinks I can do this even though I don't always agree.

No, I'm not always enraptured by motherhood. I am, however, always blessed by my children. I always love and support them. I am always proud of them. I always believe in them. I would choose them as mine if given the choice. I will fight to the death for them. Though they break my heart, I will strive never to break theirs.

It's what I signed up for....all of it...like or lump it.