"This is my mop"

"My friend George gave me this mop." Well, maybe they didn't give me a mop but they have given me encouragement, love and at times giggles at a funeral. Thank you very much, to all my friends across the US and the world. I wouldn't be where I am today without you. You make me feel like the world's best janitor and tv star. It's been slow, and I've hit some speed bumps and had a few blow outs, but I'm gonna make it. God is for me, so no one can be against me. He wants me to win, and so I will. I am Noah's snail. I'll get there. Hide and watch.

Well, hmm. You ever just have this "This is what I'm gonna do!" moment, and some one with a big ol' pin just jabs it in your balloon? I'm not saying that being realistic is bad, but some times it's not what's needed. Okay so maybe you won't make your crazy goal. That being said it's easier to say why bother if no on thinks you can. Well, I say hide and watch. My goal is crazy and not realistic. I know that. I don't care. I'm going for it because I can. Why not? I've nothing to lose and everything to gain. I've not lost my muchness, and I do slay.

The Sky....is Falling....

Okay, it's not, but you ever wake up feeling like that for no reason at all? Man, it's like really? Are we doing this today? I have things to do. On list is laundry, changing kitty litter and washing the miles of marker off my kid. If the sky is gonna fall, it needs to get on with it because I ain't got time for nonsense today. I have training and a show to get ready for. I have a craft show and Angel food pick up tomorrow. I have to look cute while doing all of it, so start falling if you're gonna! Really? Bring it baby! Let's do this! I'm out!

My Annalina Elizabeth Sunshine

My last born who can somehow manage to get food in her eyebrows. It's a talent.

When I found out I was prego again, I was all...what the farkle? I don't think I can do this. I decided I would be happy about it even though I wasn't so sure I could manage.

With the help of the Good Lord, I have managed, and she is nothing but giggles and sunshine with a dash of attitude thrown in. Like her sisters, she's done nothing but bless our lives and challenge us to be better parents and people.

Annalina means "Gracious Light"...just like the sunshine she is...my little giggle box princess.

Three girls in three different flavors all from the same store. They are made of sugar and spice, but no one ever told me about the howler monkey in the mix. I am a lucky woman, and I don't forget it.

My Cahira Michelle Bear

Oh my pretty little scrappy scrapper. I'm telling you this child is kin to Scrappy Doo. She's one tough cookie. Ask any of her teachers right now. I think I've had one good day note all year.

Sigh.

Little Miss doesn't do well with change. Like her elder sister, she too, suffers from speech delay but in a different form...we can suffer from it at times too. I know that she understands except when I don't. Really, if you've ever dealt with speech delay you know exactly what I mean.

So, my little scrappy princess isn't adjusting as well as I'd hoped. I know that she's sweet and funny, but that's not the side she's showing. She's showing her claws...literally. Scratching teachers...are you kidding me?! Mamma no like. To know this little girl, is to love her. Be praying for her and her attitude. I dare not ask for patience because I know what will happen then.

My little Cahira Michelle...warrior, who is like God? And God knows how much I love her and need His grace to deal with her.

My Ella Wynne Angel..

Did you know that I cry if I see a Baby Huey cartoon? I hate....HATE that cartoon. Put that in your pocket for right now....

My first born. She's a 9-11 baby. Her name means Pure Friend, and that is all she wants to be. Until I had kids, I forgot about the drama of being one. I had forgotten on purpose I'm sure because although I believe I had a very good childhood, some of it just sucked.

First of all, I was tall. Being a tall girl isn't for sissys. You're made fun of by everyone including adults and teachers. You're expected to behave beyond your maturity. You're hit on by older guys and you don't know what they are talking about. Kids your age are afraid of you, and their parents think you're the bully. Kids older than you make fun of you. It's lonely at the top. When all you want to do is fit in, you stand out just by standing up.

Then, I moved every 3 years, so every friend I had was lost. Ella doesn't have this problem. Hers is one of communication. Years of failed attempts have left her painfully shy and scared. She so wants friends, but she's terrified to ask. I see so much of me in her. It's heart breaking. The day she asked me why God made her different was cutting as memories of childhood insecurities came clawing back to recollection. I so didn't want that for her.

One thing Ella is very smart. I'm not NOT smart, but there are some learning issues with me. Math is very hard. So is keeping words and thoughts from jumping around in my head. Though the words might not come as clearly, Ella's head is on real straight. Mine not so much. I was called an Airhead so many times that I used it as a shield. You can't be mad at me if I'm stupid and don't understand you. I'll just be happy and smile, and you'll roll your eyes and say..."Airhead." and it's over.

Not only is she crazy smart, but Ella is one of the sweetest spirits I've ever met. She loves babies, and like her Auntie Fawn, would mother a rock if thought it would help it grow. She is generous and giving. Yes, bossy at times, but she loves people despite being hurt. She just wants a buddy.

I hate Baby Huey because I felt like that is what everyone thought I was. I hate it more now because it seems that is how people see my Ella. Big, dumb, happy and unaware of how destructive and stupid she really is but NOT SO!! She understands what people are thinking...she can read a face and a heart better than you can read a book. She is NOT stupid or unaware. She KNOWS if you think she's less than. Don't try to snow her...it will just make her do something out of spite. Seeing her pain hurts so much more than anything from childhood. I'd take it all for her if I could.

Really big sigh

Every night Ella prays for a friend who really likes her. If you wouldn't mind, please join her in that prayer.

Who am I.....24601?

In Mystery Men, Mr. Furious is thrown into a tale spin when he can't come up with a fake persona for a girl he likes. She says, "Just be Roy."

"Who is Roy? Roy is who?" he ponders.

Don't we all?

Lately, I've been thinking about who is Jen? Jen is who? You see, with my youngest about to go off to school, I'm not going to be the same mom I used to be. If I'm not an all day mom, then who am I? I still will be an all day Mom just on call, not so much on duty. It's just got me thinking.....

On a Friday night, I went from being Eric's girlfriend to his fiancee`. On a Saturday afternoon, I went from being his fiancee` to being his wife. I had spent 22 years becoming Jennifer Anne Cochran. I wasn't sure how to be Jennifer Anne Easley. It all changed in a day. One day.

One Monday in 2002, I went from being a married woman to being a first time mother. Being partially responsible for a grown man was hard enough. Being completely responsible to make sure something lives, gets love and will one day stand before God as He asks what did I do with the gift He gave me was paralyzing. So paralyzing I did it 2 more times. Why not? Who was I then? People stopped calling me by my name. I was Eric's wife, Ella's mom, Cahira's mom or Lili's mom....not Jen. It's hard not having a name, and very easy to forget who you are. It's very easy to slip into the identity of just Mom or just Wife, but that's not life more abundantly.

One of my favorite plays is Les Miserables. I love the music and message. I saw it in London, and I cried the entire second act. Amazing. In Les Mis, Jean Val Jean was defined as a number...24601. He's a thief out on parole. No one would see him as anything but a number and a thief except one man. Jean Val Jean defied what everyone thought that because someone told him God thought he was better than that. He could have let his tragedy take over his life and be nothing but a thief, but God restores what the canker worm has stolen.

I am Eric's wife. I am mother to Ella, Cahira, and Annalina. I am twin sister of Shannon Michelle and daughter of Gene and Karen Cochran. I am a jeweler and leader for Premier Designs, Inc. I lived my childhood as an Army Brat. My best friends are Kalli, Lizz, Liz, Fawn and Vicky. I attend and serve at Harvest at the Rave in Pensacola, FL. I live in East Milton. I AM all those things, but no matter what happens who I REALLY am is Jen, daughter of the most High God, King of Kings. That makes me sister to Jesus and everyone who calls on His name. My family is huge and has no color or language barrier. He has given the commandment to save me, and He does as He says. My trust is in the Great I AM. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and He provides for all my needs and the needs of my family. As His kid, I can go boldly before the throne and ask for any and all desires and knowing that answer will sometimes be "No." Still, I am heard. I am loved. I am redeemed. I am healed. I am made perfect in His love. Not one thing in Heaven and Earth can seperate me from the love of Jesus Christ. No weapon formed against me will stand.

Who am I?

I am Jen, Warrior Princess who has come to proclaim the Good news, to heal the broken hearted and to set the captives free. I am dressed for battle in the Armor of God, and I go with His blessing where He leads. I come in peace, but I am prepared to make war against the armies of darkness. I might be under the arm of a hot guy, dripping with little girls and fabulous jewelry, but always remember that I have not lost my muchness...and I do slay.

And...action!

Have you ever noticed that it's really the little things that create the most drama? I think that it's because it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's just the no-that-did-not-just-happen moment that makes you want to go all Tommy Boy and "jerk the wheel into a $%#$%#$ bridge!" Now, that's bad. Just for your amusement because I find it funny too, here are the bits of life that draw the drama around here.

Me: Okay, time for bath

The Collective: NOOOOO!!! But, but, but....(add weeping and nashing of teeth here)

Me: We're having spaghetti for dinner.

Pick a kid: NOOOOO! We always have that! It's not okay! I want (fill in a random food item)! You never let me eat (random food item)! Never! (add wail)

Me: You have to hold my hand crossing the street.

Youngest: No! No! No! (goes boneless) No! NO0000000! (add wailing and possible kicking)

Me: We're out of (random food item)

The collective: (a scene of a group of people who are about to experience Doomsday errupts)

Me: Oh! Sorry! Don't stop in front of Mommy! Are you okay? I didn't mean to knock you over

Pick a Kid: (look of utter betrayal) Mommy! (whimper plus lip quiver) You HURT me! (big sigh followed by wail) YOU....hurt....MEEEEEEEEEEE! (and crying)

Me: Dude, sorry! Are you okay?

Pick a Kid: (sniff) Yes, Mommy. (dramatic pause) I forgive you.

Me: Sorry kid. It's bed time. You have to stay in bed whether you like it or not. Sorry about your luck.

Middle Child: No!

Me: Yes.

Middle Child: No!

Me: Yeah, I'm not arguing with you. I win. Bed time.

Middle Child: (lots of tears with outstretched arms) Sorry Mommy! Huggy!

(Yeah, this one really is pitiful. She's usually beyond tired when this happens.)

Me: Okay, time to pick up toys.

The collective: No! No! Do I have to? But why? (all at one point will flop on the ground like a dying fish)

And my favorite:

Me: You can't watch that show. It's not okay for your brain.

Oldest: But I'm a big eight year old!

Me: True, but this show is for grown-ups and you have 10 years before that happens.

Oldest: (wide eyed with disbelief) 10 ...years! Are you kidding me?!

Me: Not really.

Oldest: I want to watch it! (voice gets louder as sentence progresses)

Me: Understood and noted. Remember, however, that I am the boss. The boss says pick a different show or lose your tv time. You choose.

Oldest: I want to be the boss! When I'm grown up, I will be the boss and watch whatever I want! Hmmph! (picks a show she can watch)

Me: That's much better.

Oldest: Yeah. That other show was scary.

I mean really, why get cable? I get all the Lifetime and A&E I can handle for free with best leading ladies in the biz!

And cut!

Rotary cutters...ow

So I've finally cut myself with my rotary cutter. To be more specific, I sliced off a bit of the tip of my finger. You know what? That hurts. I also figured out why 3 year olds don't cry over their injuries until they see the look on the parents face. The look on Eric's face when he saw my finger and then the piece of skin on the rotary cutter...and then I burst into tears. Certain faces make you think it's all over...that's it...over. The drama here is all the things you're scared of as a kid, you're still a bit scared of as a grown up. Stitches, blood, looking weird, pain...it's all still there waiting for a rotary cutter to let it out. And when it's free, it is free indeed.

There Goes My Baby

I guess she really isn't a "baby" anymore. Still a toddler, but her baby face is gone, and soon, like her sisters, she'll look like a little girl. She loves the color orange-red. She likes to pretend she's a monster and then tickle you. She has one of the three best laughs I've ever heard. She's three, on the tall side of normal, and a little ball of sunshine.

Lili just might be starting school next week. I was sad when Ella left, but I knew there would be siblings after her. Lili is my last born. I might have other children, but babies...no. I used to be ashamed to say it, but I no longer am. Babies, that live with me, are hard. We might adopt more, but God is going to have sky write it if I'm to have more. I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to put her on a bus for the day. I'm not ready to not be there to kiss her boo boos, which she'll get because the force of gravity seems to work really hard on my girls. I'm not ready to be alone.

I do, however, know that I want her to be the best she can be, and if she too needs some help, then she does. Whether I like it or not. Which I don't.

I'm very sad tonight. The song has never been more true...they really do slip through your fingers all the time....