I understand that different people have different views on parenting. I learned very early on the Mommy Wars can be rather brutal and bloody. I have even learned that you can benefit from experiencing parenting styles that are not your own. My pastor always says "Check the fruit." In other words, check the results. Well-behaved, happy kids are good fruit no matter how you grow them. I try not to judge, and then, someone has to go and judge me. That's when I tend to get...uppity.
I read this link (http://demandeuphoria.blogspot.com/2011/12/you-call-that-gift.html) off of my friend Kim's FB. She was appalled and had to share her disbelief. Now, Kim is a great mom with a great personality and a fabu sense of humor. She is also taller than me which makes her instantly awesome. Her kids, though not always angels, are delightful. She and her hubster are doing something right. She was upset by this blogger. After reading several of her blogs, I was also upset and honestly felt attacked. It's understandable due to the blogger's belittling chides and accusatory tone. Here was the kicker for me: I don't really see her as parenting. She doesn't parent so much as co-exists with her children. According to her blog, I shouldn't call a gift a gift if it isn't. She shouldn't call herself a parent because she's not parenting. She should call herself something else because:
-You are not a parent if you don't hold your children to any sort of standard and expect them to live up to it to the best of their abilities.
-You are not a parent if you don't give consequences for poor behavior to include the taking away of personal items that are being abused and misused.
-You are not a parent if you don't discipline your children appropriately and especially if you do not discipline them at all because it makes you feel bad or guilty because the child is so sad.
-You are not a parent if you put you child's decisions before what is best for them, i.e. wearing proper clothing, shoes, etc.
-You are not a parent if you put your child on equal footing with yourself because they will never learn to respect you or authority at all.
-You are not a parent if you honestly think your 3 year old is going to make the right decision for himself because he is simply too young to do so.
-You are not a parent if you let short term happiness on your child's part keep him from long term goals of being a healthy adult able to have healthy relationships.
I know what to call parents who aren't really parents. They are minions of tiny overlords. The minions must feed, bathe, play with, bow to and clean up after them at the overlord's good pleasure. We mustn't upset the overlord...heavens no! His little spirit could be crushed! Meanwhile, he's the most miserable little child that no other mother wants playing with their kid because he's a little tyrant. That fruit is so rotten flies won't touch it.
The saddest part about kids like that is it really is their parents' fault. If they are given guidelines and boundaries, they will rise to the meet the goal. I've worked with kids for years. The hardest kids to deal with are the ones with minions who give their power to their overlords. The happiest and sweetest kids are the ones with parents.
Read the blog for yourself. Come to your own conclusion. This is mine. I feel sorry for that woman's kids, but I'm glad I don't have to deal with them. I choose to be a parent, not a minion. I choose to show my children just how beautiful, special, talented and loved they are by giving them guidelines and tools they will need to live life in the real world. If that means Barbie gets taken away because you popped your sister in the eye with her, that's what it means...even if she was your birthday gift.
