In Honor of She Who Bore Me and Continues to Bear With Me

 Yup!  That's right!  My bestest Mamma Llama ever is now 60 years old.  She didn't have a big party mostly because she doesn't like that many people, and she just won't fake it.  Those she loves, however, have a hero and cheerleader for life.  I like how she looks at aging.  The older you get, the more honest you can be because people just think you're old and crazy.  Seriously, how awesome is that.

Now, those of you who know me (you lucky devils you!), have to know that I am my mothers's daughter.  In honor of her fabulous life, I now impart to you some of the wisdom that she's given to me over the years.  It's stuff I live by and teach my own monkeys.

1)  If you do something wrong, just own it.  Just fess up.  If you didn't think it was too wrong to do in the first place, why are you ashamed now?  Why blame others?  Be a grown person and admit it.  If you don't want people to know, then just don't do it.  And if you're going to do regardless, for the love of Pete, don't take pictures!  Why add proof to your burden?

2)  No matter what you're going to do in life, educate yourself so you can be the best.  Mom admits to being an education snob.  Everyone should go to college.  She herself has a Master's degree in Business Administration with straight A's to boot.  If college isn't your thing, then whatever you put your mind to, find out everything you can about it.  Be the master.  Be the expert.  Knowledge is power; give yourself some.  As long as you keep learning, you will keep growing.

3)  Real friends love you even if you pick your nose.  Not that Mom is cool with that activity.  Not. At. All.  Her point is that no one is perfect, and if you have a friend that won't hang out with you because they caught you doing something like picking your nose one time, then maybe they just aren't a good friend.  Everyone picks their nose from time to time.  Just no flicking.

4)  You are what you wear.  I'll never forget when Mom sat us down with one of our yearbooks, and after pointing to some pictures of clothing deprived girls, she asked us what kind of girls they were.  WE didn't know these girls.  So she said, "Well, what have you heard?  You won't get in trouble for calling names in this instance."  So we said what we heard.  Slut.  Trashy and Cheap. B!tchy and always ready to give it up.  Then she dropped the boom.  

"If you don't want people who don't know you to say that about you, then dress like you respect yourself."

Will do, Mamma Llama.

Mom and I are messing with Shaye...because it's fun.

5)  Be kind and take the high road if at all possible.  You will always come out looking like the better more professional person.  Now, this is really hard because sometimes people don't believe that you took the high road if you have a reputation for saying it like it is....which I do.  I do try though, because God knows even if no one else believes it.  He knows.

6)  If you can't take the high road, come up swinging and don't stop hitting until they quit moving.  Let it never be said that my mother is a wussy.  It's a lie.  If you truly mess with her or, even worse, those she truly loves, my mother will end you.  She will chop you up, cook you in Paula Dean recipe and then serve you to your mother if she has to.  She'd just rather not.  Oh, but she will.  She will.

7)  Be loyal to those who have earned your loyalty.  And those who have not, please drop them like a bad habit.  Spend your time with those worthy of you.

8)  How you treat someone's time is truly how you think of them and vice versa.  Time is the one thing we can't get back.  If someone is wasting your time, stop  the madness.  If you're wasting someone else's time, do the right thing and let them go.  Life is too short.  Be on time.  Be present in the moment.  Don't waste time on things that don't move your life forward.

9)  Cruelty is NOT allowed.  Being cruel to one's sibling was the most punished of crimes in my house.  It was simply unacceptable.  We are family like or not, and we are not animals!  Mom would handcuff us together until we got along.  (turns out that illegal, so y'all don't do that)  If you can't be civil, go to your room until you can be.  All acts of violence had to be done while Mom was at work.  Better make that bruise where Mom couldn't see it.  Name calling was punished.  We were expected to treat people, all people, like that's what they were: people.  We were not permitted to be any other way.

10)  If you don't like the way it is, fix it so that you do.  The best and most useful thing my mother taught me was to be resourceful.  Look at it another way.  How can you fix this problem?  How can you help?  How can you change it to be what you want it to be?  Don't like it?  That's your problem.  Decide you do like it, or make it so that you like it.  What do you have on hand?   How can  you make this work?  Who can get to help you?  What can you use to make do?  We are the MacGyvers of world:  we think, and we make it work with what we have available.  By doing so, we leave people in awe.  True story.

11)  You are you're own best advertising.  If you don't like you, why should anyone else?  You have to sell what you've got on the shelves.  Make it happen.  I've been told that sometimes I come off a bit cocky.  Possibly.  I'm usually just trying out a new slogan, and I'm buying into the advertising.  I am freakin' awesome sauce!  I'm a good friend.  I'm helpful and funny.  I'm not afraid of getting my hands dirty, and I even clean up pretty good.  You want people to like you?  Check out how you're marketing yourself.  You might need some new copy.  If you don't believe it, no one else will.

Mamma, Jennie, Shaye and me at the Diva race in St. Augustine.

I hope you get me a little more.  My mother is truly a wonderful mother and a really great person.  I'm more like my dad in personality, but there is a lot of my mom running around this head of mine...  

"Get off the cross; someone else needs the wood."

"Do it right the first time...like I showed you."

"Put it in another gear!"

"If you really want it, then the work won't stop you."

"I should've raised dogs."

"Good job; we're proud of you."

"You're my favorite blonde haired daughter."

"I love you."